Happy 2010

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it
He says its perfect sense
You just cant get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
Its too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
Its the bitterness that lasts

So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be o.k.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
Its too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

I wasn't there that morning
When my father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

~Mike & the Mechanics~

A Christmas party

2 weeks back (yes I like to write about stale stuff - saya kan busy) we had a Christmas party di office. Ada pokok Krismas, turkey satu ekor, apple cider, candy canes, segala! Terima kasih-lah kepada staf-staf Muslim yang bersusah payah untuk memastikan party ini berjalan lancar ye! Rasa-rasa di Hari Raya nanti ada ke majlis makan-makan sebegini? Hmm mungkin tidak. -_-

Semalam I attended a well-orchestrated tahlil except I had to sit at a table with a lady yang setiap ayat-nya pasti ada phrase "Saya-kan usahawan". Aduhhhh ada jugak orang macam ni.

It's been a while, lama tak update this space. December is always a busy month for me, ditambah dengan KPI season yang begitu mengharukan. Then I had a project to submit, kerja macam orang gila. Sudah selamat siap, now I just want sit back and relax (pffthhh yeah right).

My nephew's cancer relapsed. That's another reason why I didn't feel like saying much here. I was so looking forward to a good 2010, rambut Danial sudah tumbuh sepenuhnya and he may be able to go back to school and now rasa macam segala-galanya sudah tiada erti lagi. Back to square one. I'm tired of being the strong one, tired of being told to be strong, just tired of everything. But eventually, I had to pick myself up again and teruskan hidup.

On a lighter note, setelah mencari high-and-lo for a good pasta recipe, I finally made my first pasta dish!



Resipi diolah dari resipi abang Sweet Paul:
3 tbsp olive oil
Beef strips
1 bawang putih (dicincang)
Basil leaves
Red pepper flakes (tak jumpa cari, so i ended up tabur cili flakes ntah apa2)
1/4 Salt
Fried breadcrumbs
Grated parmesan cheese
Mini tomato
Spaghetti

Goreng beef strips. Potong kecik2. Then goreng bawang lightly with olive oil. Masuk pepper flakes & salt (jangan lupa rebus spaghetti dulu with salt okay - al dente tau). Campak pasta dalam kuali. Tabur breadcrumbs, beef, tomato & grated cheese sesuka hati. Siap!

The one I served to the husband was a bit dry and terlebih basil leaves. So for my portion i added more olive oil, cheese, breadcrumbs & beef. Oh yum puas hati!

Selamat mencuba.

p/s: Lepas makan, suami saya kata dia teringin nak makan masakan Melayu saya. *gulp*

excellente!

I hate numbers. I wish this excel sheet can eat me up.

Eh or is it the other way around?

Is that why I'm not rich? Because numbers terrify me.

Ho-hum-skilli-dee-dum-dum-skili-dee-dum-dum.

 

I know I may be the most ignorant person, but are there any Tabung Derma Kilat (or whatever) being set up for our fellow Malaysians yang menjadi mangsa banjir? Ke duit kita sudah habis 'disedekahkan' kepada jiran tetangga Bendera kita itu? Just a thought. Banjir breeds diseases, and also causes deaths. Kesian kepada mereka.

 

and another thing,

 

so i was so proud kan, coz Datuk Lat's drawings ada di pesawat AirAsia. Kartun2-nya akan terbang ke ruang udara antarabangsa! Tapi Datuk Lat kata production untuk visuals-nya dari kecil menjadi besar dibuat di Singapura. Motif? So we cannot say lah this whole-local-cartoon-on-local-airlines-going-international is ENTIRELY 1Malaysia eh?

 

Hate it, HATE IT, when I have opinions. I shall shut up now. kthanxbai.

+_+

I'm no superhero.

But I feel better.

 

-_-

The thing is, there's nothing I could do to save him.

 

My CEO's driver had a stroke at our tower lobby yesterday and I was the unlucky person to be there minutes after dia jatuh. It was frustrating not being able to help him, I wasn't loud enough to scream at the security guards to get help from the in-house doctor, I wasn't strong enough to transport him to the hospital instead of waiting terpinga-pinga with the rest for the ambulance, for the damn doctor, for some miracle to happen. I wanted so much to help but there were too many people there already thinking they know what they're doing. Just because he was unconscious does not mean things are okay dammit!!!

 

When the doctor came, I thought things will be okay after all. I went upstairs, cried, and minutes later my colleague came in and I saw his face dropped and he just sat there speechless.

 

We lost our guy at the lobby.

 

I don't know why it made me so sad, I guess the shock of losing a father came back and it made me realize how fragile life is. I want to write more here but I'm still in shock. I'm sad, I'm angry, I want to be left alone. I don't need any additional drama.

 

RIP Ganesan. You will be missed.

 

 

Quarter day di Hospital Selayang semalam.

So I begin my latest read - Dr Zhivago!

So I begin my latest read - Dr Zhivago!
Originally uploaded by natinski

I'm on a week-long annual leave. No plans in particular, just chillin' at home with the family (and pray that office tak call - tough luck!). In other words, GUA TAKDE DUIT. But staying at home is what I anticipate every weekend so to be able to be at home for the entire week! wow, sangat best. My sleep cycle is all screwed up though.

I am supposed to start feeding my 6 months old solid makanan this week but belum lagi. Fruits puree from babyambrosia.com ada 3 jenis dalam freezer. Mungkin esok.

Cerita tentang Pil ASI juga belum berakhir. Maybe I'll write about it later. Off to bed now. Tomorrow gotta take my mom to the hospital kerajaan for her nephro medical review. if the doctor speaks to me in bahasa medik i am so gonna write to the newspapers!

Oh, my nephew Danial starts his radiotheraphy tomorrow. Another round of battle for life. Go forth, Dan, don't give up.

hargailah zoo kita!

Drugs in the mail

So semalam I received the Pil ASI in the mail. Ordered it from a badly-designed website, an online store that sells babymama stuff. I am at my wit's end here, trying to get my milk supply up again so I thought okay, let's try Pil ASI. See if it works.

 

So the pills arrived in a yellow envelope. Just the pills, takde sarung (like the one I saw online) nor instructions on how to take it. If you recieved unmarked pills in your envelope, would YOU eat it? HELL FREAKING NO (unless you're mat stone hee hee).

 

I'm sending them back and see if the seller is courteous enough to help me get a refund or resend a proper package because hell I (we all do) deserve a better service than this.

 

No, wait, that's too ambitious. I'll email the seller first. See what she has to say. Tak suka lah peniaga macam ni. -_-

 

(too bad Tiny Tapir tak jual pil ASI)

bosan

Tired of waiting for people on your reading list to update? Hey why don't you update your own space!

 

Hmm malas. I am feeling (looking) like a hippo these days. Most days actually, especially when I'm in the office elevator because the mirrors in the 'vator makes everyone look fat, including that miss anorexic at level 11. So what did I do over the weekend? Nothing much. Played with my kid, chilled with my mom, watched (from afar) the husband main Farmville - his horse wouldn't shut up and caught up with reading.

 

Speaking of reading, that little kid of mine (yang belum dikenalkan kepada solid food) telah mengunyah bookmark kertas saya hingga tinggal separuh. Patutlah dia diam sahaja di dalam bilik. Korek-korek mulut dia, and found sedikit cebisan kertas melekat di lelangitnya. Good job kid! Kalau kamu tidak menjadi seorang bersarjana tinggi, tak tahulah ibu.

 

I wanted to cook over the weekend but got lazy. When I say lazy, that means I'm just too lazy to go downstairs to get cooking stuff sebab bahan tak cukup. But I did make daging telur masak sos type of thing - sorry lupa nak snap photo. Ini resipi-nya:

3 telur ayam

1 burger daging (dicincang halus)

1 tomato dipotong dadu

(goreng those 3 items together)

 

Untuk sos: 3 sudu tomato & cili sos; 2 sudu sos tiram; 3 biji bawang merah & 1 bawang putih (dihiris halus); gula & garam secukupnya. Masak them all together, dan bila siap, tuang atas telur-daging-tomato. Wallah! Sedap dimakan. But of course, I didn't decide on the sukatan gula and garam. Masih tidak pandai. In other words I don't want to be blamed if masakan kurang gula atau garam! Mwahaha.

Bilakah Raya mahu habis

I've been busy. Hopefully after this 'Raya sebulan' crap is over we can all get our lives back i.e. duduk di rumah diam-diam and tidur. Can't wait!

an hour later

(I gave the chicken cake away)

 

p/s: My office has the lousiest lighting.

Bean cake from Japan

Halalan-tayyiban kah benda kek berupa ayam ini? My boss bought it for the team in Japan. Said it's made of beans.

Sinful chicken strips

This will be the death of me! Chicken strips fried in batter and lots of lemak ayam. I eat this everyday! -_-

domestik disaster

(not my house, but I would like a bird house in my house)

 

While I may not be a domestic goddess, I love my washing machine. The fact that I only get to see my washing machine over the weekend breaks my heart and washing your clothes using other people's machine is no fun.  Bunyi macam excuse taknak basuh baju ke? I hope not. But ah, the joy of putting the clothes in the machine, masukkan sabun pencuci/softener and listening to the machine sing (saya pakai LG) and let it air dry for half an hour – sudah cukup menenangkan fikiran saya. I love melipat baju too.

 

These days I find myself studying the Rasa magazine (curi kakak saya punya), making mental notes on what to try and what to ignore. But rasanya this Raya month dapur hanya berasap untuk masak air sahaja lah yes? Perhaps I should imitate Julie Powell, pick a culinary book, try each recipes and blog about it. Hmm not likely. I would like to feed my husband with my own 'air tangan' yes, and I shall achieve it one day! ;p

 

This pointless entry is brought to you by projek tergendala di office and a handful of antibiotics. Thank you.

My arwah father always taught me to fight the maladies on my own first. Kalau sakit, find a home remedy – then opt for whatever medicines available at home and if everything fails, baru visit the doctor. First it's the sore throat, then the flu, then the batuk. No temperature though, and thank God no one in the small family is infected. The kid and the bapak kid are both doing fine thank God!

 

The house is in a complete mess, didn't have the energy to clean-up or find the kid's kasut Raya Nike & Anpanman yang sampai ke sudah tidak dijumpai! My post-epidural brain is still cloudy, for the life of me I can't remember where they are. Pressure pressure.

 

I have a headache now.

Back in KL

I think the best part of beraya di kampung adalah membiarkan anak tidak berbaju. Baru-lah rawk!

Last meal last Ramadan

Ayam percik, ikan percik, perut ayam percik, kerabu perut ayam, solok lada, lala, hati goreng, daging masak kicap, sira pisang... Puas hati!

And sekarang KB sedang berdentam-dentum bunyi mercun sejak pukul 8 lagi. I'm waiting for R to come home with chicken chop Restoran Sun Too, a restaurant yang telah dikunjungi sejak kecil lagi. Rasa chicken chop-nya tetap sama sejak dulu.

This evening I introduced Rumi to Mek, si tukang gunting rambut Tionghua yang potong rambut aku sejak kecil lagi. Perhaps lepas ini dia akan potong rambut my kid pulak.

Speaking of kids, parents yang ajar their kids to cut queue di cashier are superbad parents. Shame on you. Padan muka anak korang kena marah dengan aku. I don't care if your kids are cute dengan mata terkebil-kebil tu but please teach them some manners. Thank you.

Selamat Hari Raya everyone.

Spotted on TV:

Sorry, grammar wasn't my best subject in school.

Translation: Maaf, NENEK bukan subjek terbaik saya di sekolah.

I'M NOT KIDDING! WTF?!?

Menu for today!

Menu for today!
Originally uploaded by natinski

Man, that was one sinful-crazy buka puasa. Double lamb patty, tomato, double cheese, mushroom, telur mata, extra mayo, chili sauce, oregano & roti burger. Plus teh ais from mamak downstairs. And MILO kotak (dengan straw limited edition sensasi meletup!). Yum!

We're supposed to makan pizza Yellow Cab for supper but yes, are you kiddin' me?! I can barely open my eyes now. Mahu pengsan kekenyangan. :)

Satgi for sahur I wanna (attempt) buat nasi goreng planta. Wish me luck.

Pffth.

Syaitan ada di mana-mana time puasa ni jika tidak masakan rumah masih dirompak dan manusia tetap dibunuh. Tapi syaitan paling besar is syaitan yang tak berpuasa! At a photo shoot for our new ad this morning, wah selambanya adik-adik kita minum air dan merokok. Nasib baik model handsome saya berpuasa, jika tidak habis tunggang langgang set nanti. I am the client, I demand my model to be fasting! ;p

 

On the road last week, ketika sangkut di trafik jam, ada satu hamba Allah ni in the car next to me sedang merokok. Dalam kereta ada anaknya sekali yang berumur lebih 5 tahun. Look, it's bad enough that you tak puasa, but you tak puasa dan merokok depan anak you. Satu, you're being a bad example to your kid and second, you damn well know that bila you smoke depan anak you, that poor child is a second hand smoker dan perhaps dia akan mati dulu dari you! Sorrylah emo sikit. Tak boleh accept lah orang dewasa yang tak berpuasa ni.

 

I think every year mesti ada entry-slash-rant tentang orang tak berpuasa kan. :)

 

Have a good weekend. I am super exhausted this week.

Saya craving nak makan pasta di Avanti sekian terima kasih.

4 bulan

Today we will take proper pictures of Rumi-oh (I still can't decide on what to call him). Our boy is 4 months old!  We are so blessed to have him in our little family.

 

I am super excited to go back to KB for Raya this year. Maybe because we'll get to introduce the little yakuza to my relatives, especially to my ailing Queen Mother (it's her 10^th cicit I think) and my beloved godfather Uncle Isa (who still cries when he talks about his bestfriend, my arwah Baba). Mungkin tahun ni tak dapat sembahyang Raya sebab kena jaga baby but that's okay because I can still walk la dee da to the mosque with my kid and listen to the khutbah (and mengintai Tengku Mahkota oh-stop-it-Nate). 5 days in KB and I'm already listing down things to eat. Bukannya nak fikir pasal packing. Oh my, packing is gonna be chaotic. Our weekly trip back to our home pun sudah nampak macam mahu bercuti seminggu apatah lagi packing for 5 days!

mari memasak dengan chef tawar

Despite my ketidak-kegemaran memasak, saya gagahkan jua mencuba eksperimentasi di dapur dengan resipi-resipi yang dicopy-paste dari Internet. Nota:

Ø       Lepas ni tak masak ayam masak merah dah! Asyik tak jadi je

Ø       I love memasak sotong

Ø       Anything with santan or daging masih belum berani di cuba

Ø       My begedil rocks!

Ø       My bitterballen nasi menjadi, walaupun tawar

Ø       I don't like to cook main course, anything on the side I like (re: begedil or goreng2 campak2)

 

Di sini I would like to share the resep bitterballen nasi:

 

2 ulas bawang putih - dicincang

2 sudu makan tepung gandum

150 ml air

½ kiub ayam

3/4 sudu teh garam

¼ sudu teh serbuk lada sulah

300 gm nasi putih (ala belasah je lah 4 senduk nasi)

25 gm lobak merah - dipotong dadu dan direbus

25 gm sayur buncis (5 batang) - direbus dan dihiris halus

30 gm keju parut

2 sudu makan marjerin untuk menumis

Minyak untuk menggoreng

 

BAHAN SALUT:

1 biji telur

75 gm tepung goreng serbaguna

 

CARA-CARA:

1. Tumis bawang putih sehingga naik bau (tumis with marjerin not oil please!). Masukkan tepung gandum. Aduk cepat sehingga berketul².

2. Masukkan air sedikit demi sedikit sambil dikacau hingga licin.

3. Masukkan kiub ayam dan lada sulah. Kacau lagi.

4. Masukkan nasi, lobak merah, buncis dan keju. It will look like nasi goreng with extra kanji

5. Bentukkan bulat dan celupkan di dalam kocok telur & gulingkan di atas tepung goreng.. Lakukan sekali lagi.

6. Goreng sehingga kuning keemasan.

7. Makan! Cicah with sos cili jika dapat chef yang serba tawar macam saya. hehe

 

Sekian terima kasih. Weekend ni saya belum pasti nak cuba masak apa.

Help

1. My phone dah kena bar (haha this is new - man I must be really broke) so no twitter, sms, mms, flickr in fact my entire existence is put on hold for now.
2. I went to PaRam Bangsar yesterday. Felt bad for not wearing a mask but tawakal jelah. Also tawakal apabila membeli makanan di sana. Nasib baik they all turned out good - ayam percik (stall kat hujung sekali dekat masijd); raja murtabak (they have cheese murtabak! i wonder if it's sedap or not) and tepung pelita paya jaras (didn't try it but keluarga mengatakan ia sedap).
3. I broke one of my mum-in-law's mug masa sahur! Ack have to replace it today.
4. Syu if you're reading this, milk production sangat menyedihkan. I say kurang by 75%. Not that i have much anyway.
5. Friday cuti. Sampai Monday woot! OK kali ni confirm I'm gonna TRY to cook.
6. Suami saya sudah ada Facebook. Tiba-tiba rasa macam agak jealous melihat dia berinteraksi dengan dunia luar. (no thank you I am still not joining fesbuk)
7. OK that is all for now.

Friday yay!

Today I cabut the 18SX sticker from my car (I know, it's already berkarat!) to replace it with a Baby on Board sticker. The last remnant of my single and me-me-me days.

I have to admit I still miss dancing in the clubs but yang sudah tu sudah lah (bak kata Imran Ajmain). I'll just dance with my kid (and lock him up when he's old enough to go clubbing). :)

Selamat hari Jumaat. Crank it up Kak V di Suria FM!

2days before Puasa

If I don't get my dose of ayam percik at Pantai Dalam* today then there will be blood! My colleague Dills (yang perasan Melayu - he knows all the good Malay restaurants in PJ and Pantai Dalam) janji nak bawak saya ke our favorite tempat smogasboard masakan Kelate itu. Ada gulai kawoh (not a big fan); ayam kampung; pelbagai ulam; kerabu perut; akok; lompat tikam; lala masak apa ntah yang sangat best; air botol bergas buatan Kelate; singgang ikan dan yang paling shiok sekali:
 
BAD ASS KELATE VIDEO KARAOKE. Woot!
 
(Tok Guru je takde, he he)
 
* Anis Puteri is located at Jalan Kampung Pasir, Pantai Dalam (tepi railway track).

John Johnny Jonathan

The bed is getting too small for us. Idris (and his sleep buddybear: John Johnny Jonathan!) sudah mula rotating himself.

Bio-Nik season 2

Jangan lupa saksikan Bio-Nik season 2 di tv3 sekarang! Lebih mantap!

(Ini iklan tidak berbayar)

(Ok mungkin akan dibayar dengan kasih sayang oleh si suami hur hur)

maghrib

Now where did I put the mini reading lamp. In half dark, cuma lampu dari tandas mengurangkan kegelapan. Menemani the lil kid tidur - he's been grumpy sejak pulang ke rumah pada waktu Maghrib. Ah, waktu yang begitu kritikal bagi seorang bayi.

Hopefully dia tidak di'tegur' lagi. Serik.

I can't sleep but outside ahli keluarga sedang menonton Hantu Raya on Ria. Ahhhh tak suka!

ProjekPopRahsiaWiken

I shall not list down my weekend plans this time around. Or else it will be used against me! Heh. But I predict banyak vampires involved this weekend, dan buckets of baby saliva. \o/

 

This morning, ketika menjadi MC for a Company event, I ended the event dengan menasihati members of the floor untuk 'have a safe weekend' dan 'don't forget to wash your hands and sanitize'. And the entire floor laughed.

 

You guys, I wasn't trying to be funny. This is serious shit! I'm sick and tired of listening the same shit from MOH everyday - "yang mati adalah yang berisiko tinggi". Rubbish. "sekolah & institusi tidak akan ditutup, kecuali perlu". Are you crazy!? "Siti sunyi apabila suami tiada di sisi". Woops, sorry, wrong news.

 

Anyway, we are all gonna die, people. Unless you keep your straying hands clean & not sneeze depan muka orang (among other things), InsyaAllah we will be fine. If you're relying on MOH's complacency in battling this pandemic, GOOD LUCK. Whatever happened to 'prevention is better than cure?'. 51 deaths. Like flies.

 

And for heaven's sake, please leave your babies at home.

 

Sekian pesanan khidmat masyarakat 1Malaysia dari saya untuk hari ini.

 

 

Misi hujung minggu

Mahu jadi rebellious.
Nah, I'm just kidding. Misi utama adalah mahu meng-photograph anakanda bila dia sedang senyum. Mahal sungguh senyumannya. I hardly see it either!
Misi kedua adalah mahu membaca buku. Buku-buku I miss you so much take me with you.
Misi ketiga... Masak. (insert funny faces here)

Have a safe weekend. Sanitize, sanitize, sanitize.
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Update

Update: Bad karaoke masih lagi berkumandang walaupun ketika Asar tadi pihak surau decided to crank up their ayat-ayat suci sebelum azan. Haha padan muka korang.

Mungkin karaoke adalah satu escapism yang mahal untuk kalian, tapi jangan jadikan majlis kahwin satu medan untuk kalian menyanyi dengan percuma. Suara yang tidak lunak tidak harus diperdengarkan di khalayak ramai. Faham?


Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Look Girl I am HAPDET-ing! (kih kih)

We are at home right now. The boys are asleep (ayah dan anak carbon copy-nya) and my mom tengah layan video-video klip hip-hop. Yay mom! Di kawasan perumahan facing my balcony ni ada majlis perkahwinan with its own rock kapak DJ. Baik aku keluar dari rumah cepat. Seriously, what's up with the lagu2 mendayu? Eh wait a minute, ini karaoke ni! *slaps head*

Last few nights ketika tidur di rumah in-laws, I dreamt/felt satu lembaga berjalan di tepi katil aku. Yang tak best-nya lembaga itu letak tangannya di atas pinggangku and I tried so hard to scream for help tapi tidak berdaya. Maybe I'm just tired kan. I wasn't scared or anything (ok maybe a little) but brrrhh, berdiri bulu roma ku!

OK I am gonna go out and look for food now. (masak, what masak?)

Nota buat Girl: If you are reading this, I want Lucky Laki paraphernalia dari Jakarta. Kidnap El untuk aku pun boleh juga. Thanks!

I summon you my wizard of speech writing!

(I wanna shoot the whole day down down down)

Perhaps I should have a separate blog for my boobs.

\o/

 

Anyway, my kakak cleaner at the office ada tanya: "Banyak ke susu?". Maklumlah, sejak kembali bekerja, akak cleaner tu tak boleh tidur di store lagi, because I need to use it every four hours. So I replied, "tak banyak kak, memang tak cukup untuk anak".

 

Then akak itu terus buka cerita tentang betapa banyak susu-nya sehingga dalam masa sejam boleh penuh satu botol / anak2nya fully breastfeed sehingga umur 4 tahun / sampai melimpah ruah / sampai terpaksa buang susu … and to add the cherry on top, cerita tentang bagaimana anak2nya selalu tak cukup nafas apabila di-breastfeed sebab susu banyak sangat keluar.

 

And I just stood there, staring at her boob, mentally screaming "HAND OVER YOUR BOOBS OR ELSE!"

 

She looked at my boobs and sempat buat remark tu: "Adik punya kecik, macamana susu nak ada banyak"

 

Haih, menghina boobs aku pulak. Nak je aku sound balik akak tu, "at least I'm hotter than you!"

 

Pffthhhh.

Hari ini hari apa? Hari ini hari untuk dodge phonecalls dari ejen-ejen insurans that i met up with last week. I pretty much dah pilih which plan I want, but i’m not very good at telling people bad news. Sorry i tak nak beli insurance you, sebab you smell funny. Insurans you tak best, and your English is broken. Haha. It’s like trying to break up with someone. Susah untuk mengeluarkan kata-kata yang akan meng-let-down-kan orang.
Malas nak angkat their calls today. Maybe tomorrow. I’ll send each one of them a polite SMS – thanks but no thanks.

Visited my newphew at Wad Hematologi semalam. Dah lama tak menjenguk Wad 7B itu. Penghuninya silih berganti and setiap langkah aku diselangkan dengan doa agar mereka semua sembuh dari kanser. Ketika aku dalam pantang, Danial’s good friend, Wan, meninggal dunia. He was 17. Hilang sudah seri Wad 7B kerana dia lah yang paling aktif di situ. Kalau Danial lebih gemar baring di atas katil kerana tidak bermaya selepas chemo, Wan lebih suka menggagahkan diri, berjalan-jalan dari satu katil ke satu katil, menghiburkan pesakit-pesakit lain. Seolah-olah sakit yang ditanggungnya hanyalah luka kecil. Before he passed away, dia cuma ada satu permintaan – dia mahu baring di riba ayahnya and ahhhh, this is getting too emotional for me. Anyway, Danial is still fighting on. He’s lost 2 friends since early this year, but I have faith he will get through this.

Will continue later. I miss my kid! Hari2 pun rindu tapi hari ini extra sikit. Mungkin sebab rasa bersalah sebab semalam ibu-nya tidur dengan lena sekali sampai terhempap tangan baby. Hish nasib baik dia okay.

So lately I’ve been frequenting breastfeeding forums, you know, to get tips, to learn, to waste time bla bla bla.

Soalan, what are men doing in breastfeeding forums?! Rasa agak janggal apabila sang suami yang bertanya2 soalan (on behalf of the wife katanya) or memberi komen tentang hal2 penyusuan badan. So F weird, man.

Ask me about my first day back to work yesterday.

Why thank you for asking!

It was okay. Spent half of the day reading office emails (delete / archive / delete some more) then had departmental lunch kat Santini’s, Tropicana City. Aku suka makan di sini, the food is decent with affordable price. Then after lunch aku telah di-update on work and projects *shoots self in the head* dan in between had to run to the store to uhm, you know, express milk.

 

Ask me if I miss my son.

Uergh, like crazy! I didn’t even look at my phone for half the day (sbb ada gambar dia) and then by 3 I get to talk to him – his gurgles sound like poetry to me – and by the time I got home at 730 (was stuck in the jam for an hour and a half) he gave this longing look. That killer look yang membuat aku mati separuh badan dan mahu berhenti kerja dan terus mahu menjadi housewife etcetera etcetera.

 

Such is life.

 

Superwomen

I'm in a nursing room di sebuah pusat membeli-belah (recession tidak wujud di sini!). Bilik ini penuh - well mothers and their babies with poop and nursing needs come and go

and I'm thinking

man, I'm in a room with superwomen.

Counting blue cars

Counting blue cars
Originally uploaded by natinski

"Please don't be a mommy blogger", pesan si ayah.

"Campak je smartphone tu dalam sungai kalau tak reti/malas nak update". Itu pula kata kawan-kawan.

Pffth I don't even have time to comb my hair let alone update this space. OK I am exaggerating. But seriously, in between juggling motherhood | post-natal depression (well kind of) | anak masuk hospital | living away from family | the nightmare of berpantang | konflik menjaga baby secara tradisional vs. modern | no more coffee | milk kurang | stitches tak heal | etcetera etcetera

rasanya sekarang baru dapat bernafas sedikit.

Honestly, I don't know how mothers can spend time blogging about their life and their bundle of joy. I do spend a lot of time online tapi sekadar membaca (esp mommies' blogs lah hur hur) and watch the world go by through my little BB screen.

Idris Rumi will turn 2 months next week. Everyday I mentally pinch myself - OMG I HAVE A SON - dan sentiasa bersyukur kepada-Nya for this awesome gift (and for giving me a super-patient husband huzzah!).

Even GDP has contractions tau.

Me? Not even close.

So when I went to see my super laidback doctor yesterday, dia minta kami decide bila mahu induce. Hoh? Kena pilih tarikh? Can’t I wait a little bit longer?

Last date to choose was 13th May. Being the superstitious person that I am, no number 13 for me nosirree.

10th May boleh tak doctor? It’s Mother’s Day anyway.
Tak boleh. Hospital tak buat induction on Sundays.

Pulok dok. Last2 I chose Monday. Anything will do, janji selamat.

I lied babe. Semalam aku sangat stress! But few hours after that, I was more calm. Look, kalau baby Yakuza lambat keluar, it’s ok. It’s ok. Heartbeat-nya masih normal. Tendangan ragbi-nya masih juga normal. Besides, at least I get to do some stuff that belum lagi disiapkan:

1. Nak makan apam balik crunchy Ampang Point! Masih tak dapat lagi. Sudah 2x kali I went there, apam balik tak buka. Termasuk semalam. Hancur luluh hati ini. Ada ke pakcik apam balik tu ambik cuti semalam! Of all days!! Tidak kah dia menyedari kehadiran-nya dalam orbit ini is very important to some ppl! But fret not, insyaAllah dia buka hari ni. After that, maka akan bersalinlah saya (huhu wishful thinking).
2. Spend more time with Mom.
3. Kemas rumah
4. Layan Wonderpets versi Melayu setiap hari! “Apa yang penting, kerjaaaaaasamaaaaa!”. I am amazed to see that sebenarnya Wonderpets banyak peminatnya. Yay!
5. I need a pedicure.

Hmm that’s all I can think of right now. Please doa supaya baby keluar minggu ni juga dengan selamat. Thanks.

/n.

p/s: Many thanks to my daughter (in past life) Liy for the gorgeous new layout. :)

Dan ohhh! Tahniah kepada En. Akmal & wife yang dikurniakan baby girl semalam. Wife dia bersalin awal. (aaaaaaahhhh stress stress).

i put a flower in your hair

i put a flower in your hair
Originally uploaded by natinski

If he was my schoolmate, mungkin he's that kid yang aku selalu buli atau tertawakan. Suaranya sengau, dan selalu menyanyikan lagu yang terlalu 'tangkap leleh'.

Tapi semalam I voted for him, because he proved that he deserve to win. Bak kata orang, from zero to hero.

Tahniah Tomok!
(kih kih)

Tapi saya tak awesome. Semalam, setelah sekian lama putting up a brave face, saya telah mengalami nervous breakdown. Saya takut nak beranak. Tiap kali perut rasa sakit, saya senyum sedangkan di dalam-dalam (deep inside?), keberanian saya untuk melahirkan anak hancur into million little pieces. Every single time.

Semalam saya minum Coke yang sangat sejuk.
Bila perut meragam, saya stress.
Bila saya stress, baby pun stress.
Bila baby stress, suami saya lagi stress.

Saya bukan superwoman yang awesome. Saya belum sampai ke tahap itu lagi. Mungkin esok, mungkin lusa. Mungkin 13 April, bila doktor buat keputusan untuk induce saya.

On a lighter note (nota ringan):

1. Saya memang tak suka hantu pocong. An SMS from my friend Gnomey semalam:
Nate! Hope keliwon tnite wnt speed ur pemberanakkan! Muahahaha
(very funny)

2. Di twitter, saya sudah menubuhkan skuad apam balik. Er, so far ada dua kadet sahaja. Please tweet me jika anda berjaya mencari apam balik crunchy sedap seperti yang di Ampang Point. I went there last week, but couldn't find the stall no more.

3. I am finally reunited with my old friend Kudux (pemain drum berbakat Malaya) via BB Messenger! Rasanya kami kenal since Form 3. Also, my best friend masa Form 1 came over to visit me yesterday. Hurrah for old friends!

That is all for now folks. Mahu baca buku, makan vitamin dan layan lagu Pesawat.

DeJaVoo

Oh no not again. Feeling kinda sick today, same feeling I had sebelum mendapat horrible contractions at Jusco last Saturday. Ironinya kerana tengahari nanti mungkin akan ke Jusco lagi! Mungkin I should just stay home and sleep, sbb semalam mmg tidak dapat tidur dengan lena.

Except, I'm not really at home. I'm at my sister's house since yesterday. Tunggu R balik dari Highlands petang ini. I'm so tired. I'll update again later.

Nitrus - Cinta

Lagu paling best dalam orbit cinta aku buat masa sekarang. Long live Nitrus!

I hate scene office drama Melayu and its stupid ABBA files. Bila ada scene pejabat sahaja, mesti ada berpuluh-puluh ABBA files. It's like the director has the same mindset, ooh ooh the more ABBA files on the table, the better! Baru nampak busy, korporat, realistik. Macam haram. I wonder di mana these people mendapat ide sebegini. Pejabat kerajaan kah? I don't know. I only have ABBA files on my table when I do my filing. Buat semak je letak banyak-banyak atas meja. I think that's why we have a SECRETARY? To keep the fucking ABBA files out of our sight! It's as bad as watching drama Melayu - scene di restoran - order air fresh orange. But that one is so 80-an already, you hardly see people order fresh orange on TV anymore. Sudah pupus scene sebegitu sebab sudah tak cool.

Anyway, saya minta maaf to my twitter friends for the false labor drama over the weekend. Tapi serious, gua memang rasa macam dah nak beranak masa tu ok! Next time live updates will come from the labor room itself okay, not when aku menahan kesakitan di Jaya Jusco or whatever.

I'll be 38 weeks pregnant on Thursday. Aku sudah bersedia melepaskan tanggungjawab kerja dan tumpukan perhatian kepada rumahtangga & motherhood. I suppose nobody will ever understand about my blind devotion towards work. So let's have it everybody's way, right this minute, aku sudah tidak mahu kerja for the next 2 months.

Hmmm...

Okay, okay, after esok okay, sebab saya nak brief colleagues saya tentang hal2 kerja that they have to take over. Thank you.

Peace out.

Friday madness

I hate Fridays. They're like Mondays, only meaner.

Kesian lil' Yakuza, tidak sempat berenang dengan ria hari ini. I was multi-tasking - mana nak layan ad agency, nak betulkan grammar orang, nak beat deadline sendiri, etc.

Sorry baby. Mari kita layan Paris Hilton's My New BFF okay. Like, this is the best reality show eva!

Note to self: Fix the damn blogger time stamp.

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

I am still alive! Dalam huru-hara nak meet 20th April deadline (deadline kerja, bukan deadline beranak) aku terpaksa mengalah dan minta MC. Flu, demam, lemah badan segala (tapi kerja tetap berjalan dari rumah - talk about komitmen!). Doktor mahu beri 2 days MC but I said no thanks doc, I banyak kerja kat office. *slaps head*

Check-up went ok. Baby sudah engaged (er I suppose itu maknanya possibility untuk bersalin awal sudah ada). Mak tak rela! Ada few things tak sort out lagi (like the hospital bags, documentations, mental preparation, etc).

Esok I will be 37 weeks. Ya Allah, kuatkan semangatku!

Mode: Tired [glad that Friday is finally here]

Mode: Tired [glad that Friday is finally here]
Originally uploaded by natinski

"So are you gonna do an Erra Fazira*?," asked my sister and colleagues.

Hell yeah baby. ;p

* Pihak media terpaksa bersabar selama 44 hari sebelum dapat merakamkan foto baby Erra.

"Jangan salahkan I, I tak minta dilahirkan seksi sebegini" - Kak V, Breakfast @ Suria.

Rancangan radio with no moral values whatsoever but I love it!

Selamat Hari Friday Bagus.

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

This morning my doctor said the baby is already semi-engaged. Meaning that Lil Yakuza is halfway there, sebelum dia 'menjenguk' keluar. Sounds like a battle cry from Star Wars to me! Eh wait, Star Wars ada battle cry ke? Doctor also said "See you in a week, if you tak bersalin lagi that is". Isk ngeri.

See you in a week means I have to work another week. Gahhhhhhhh.

OK lah nak makan kejap. I am at 36 weeks minggu ini.

Short rebiu of tongkeng ayam (TA) istimewa oleh Ayamas. Hmm sangat sedap!

If there's one thing that I kempunan ketika mengandung is only TA or nama glam-nya: Bishop's Nose. Itupun ketika 1st trimester. Or perhaps karena I'm absent-minded - one day I may be craving masak lemak ikan patin yang dijual di hadapan Istana Biru di Kota Bharu, the next day I might be craving ravioli di Pizza Uno pula. I forget about my cravings easily, just like I how I easily forget nondescript human beings yang aku jumpa hanya sekali.

Kenangan kempunan TA agak melucukan, because I wanted fresh ones so that I can goreng TA myself, instead of beli di pasar malam sahaja (yg selalunya bersalut madu eeee yuck). Not many supermarkets sell them, not even Ayamas anymore (they used to sell them by trays ok). When I was still in school, me & my mom bought TA kat Ayamas Bangsar. Ada mak datin sorang ni bought TA for her cats, sedangkan kami membelinya untuk sajian makanan tengahari! Fast forward a decade later, bila aku tanya kedai Ayamas near my house samada mereka menjual TA atau tidak - the girl laughed at my face as if I'm some nutcase gila nak makan bontot ayam (oh wait, I am that nutcase).

Last2 jumpa di Jusco AA akhirnya, walaupun ketika itu I pretty much gave up my quest for TA.

Ayamas probably heard my prayers. I wonder when are they gonna come up with kaki ayam bersalut istimewa next (er, don't).

Look what I found! *flails*
Dream come true, TONGKENG AYAM BERSALUT ISTIMEWA.
Terima kasih Ayamas! Nanti apabila anak saya bercakap tanpa henti I have you to thank! :D

tidak mahu berkawan

Nate is Frankie
Originally uploaded by natinski

34 weeks. And still counting. I’m tired, I want 2 weeks of MC like other expecting mommies now. Over the weekend, I met some friends at Chawan (so-so place by the way, we all know we're paying for the ambiance, not the food). They were attending a reading organised by a long-time friend and I have not seen some of them since masa bujang! How time flies. Suf sudah beruban (kih kih), Ru pula sudah menjadi seorang yang unrecognizable with that scruffy hair (sarcasm still intact though), Azwan masih seperti dahulu walaupun signature hat-nya sudah tiada and ada budak Singapore gila sorang ni semakin vogue (tapi speed percakapan masih laju seperti bullet train). All is good anyway.

Kami dipersalahkan kerana tidak mahu menggunakan Fesbuk untuk berinteraksi. Banyak event2 yg kami ketinggalan & karya2 agung teman2 kini hanya boleh didapati secara eksklusif di Fesbuk. My friends even threatened to stop sending me their photos but will post them at fb instead so that I'll be forced to join fb.

Aergh taktik keji! Bleargh. But that's okay. I am a social hermit by choice these days (make that for the past 8 months).

p/s: Hamster kakak ipar aku sudah beranak (twins!). Debaran semakin memuncak.
p/ss: I think I need a haircut.

Friday morning guilty pleasure

Aku ada satu rahsia. Radio station I listen to on my way to work on Fridays is Suria FM sebab ada Kak Vee! She/he is febelez y'allz.

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Sometimes ppl can just be so gross. Let me tell you a story. Kisah benar, I don’t make stories up.

You know the food island at Cold Storage KLCC? Ada jual potato salad, fries, fried chicken dan pelbagai juadah makanan lagi. So we wanted to buy the fried chicken. Nampak sedap. But masa tu ada wanita tua ni was standing in front of the fried chicken area sambil bercakap dengan kuat on the phone. Fine. Apa yang tak fine is that - At the same time, tau tak tangan dia buat apa? Tangan dia sedang kutih/cubit cebisan2 ayam goreng dan terus masuk mulut dia, macam makan popcorn. Selamba je dia makan! There were too many ppl around so if you walk past her, you wouldn’t notice her doing it.

Kami agak tergamam dengan situasi ini. We could have told the security and let the security drag her sorry ass (and dirty fingers) out of Cold Storage but man, we were just too stunned to do anything. Ada jugak orang macam ni!

Perhaps ini adalah tanda that the economy is really bad now? (tapi banyak jugak orang gi shopping like dapat bonus 10 bulan kan? Membeli hadiah hari jadi untuk diri sendiri seperti aku doesn’t count okay. La la la)

I’m doing a little homage for my late father on my Twitter today. Sudah 7 tahun dia meninggalkan kami. Kadang-kadang aku panik apabila aku lupa certain things about him. Dalam memori aku Baba akan kekal dalam uniform referee FAM warna hitamnya, sambil meniup wisel dan melayangkan kad merah. Setiap tahun berlalu, dia semakin jauh, dia tidak datang dalam mimpi aku lagi walaupun ada waktu jantung ini akan tersentap apabila terpandang lelaki yang iras-iras wajahnya. My father-in-law namanya BabaH, which is a good thing – sekurang-kurangnya ingatan aku pada my real Baba tidak lenyap (walaupun I must admit, apabila nama BabaH disebut, dunia ini terhenti seketika).

Jadi Ba, if I could layangkan sehelai nota ke syurga sekarang, I want you to know that I miss you terribly. I’m in good hands now. Roy is a good husband (he may not be a superhero like you tapi he’s doing his best!) and tak lama lagi I’m going to be a mother. I wish you could be there for me to tell me that everything will be alright. Thank you for this strength that I inherited from you and I hope all my doa to you diterima.

Al-Fatihah.

click to enlarge

Bersalah-nya rasa apabila gagal mengingati tarikh lahir arwah Baba.

Nothing much to report. No wait, I want to gloat sekejap. My road tax dah siap! 2 weeks early kali ini (my road tax will expire on my birthday – 25th March). Selalunya few days before or after it expires baru akan dapat terima road tax. Sebab apa? Because I have to get my bank to do it for me (which is in Berangan or Banting or something don’t ask me why my bank is there) and the bank uses the lousiest courier service! Mesti my road tax tak sampai.

So I decided to try myeg.com.my this year. Ala yang ada iklan Maya Karin tu. It was so easy! Say like if semalam I renew the road tax, today sudah dapat. But of course you have to bayar your saman trafik first, renew insurance (which can also been done online) then head over the myeg then settle. Phew, lega. Hurray me dum dee dum.

I have another ante-natal class tomorrow. Lately I’ve been missing my Queen Mother (nenda di Kota Bharu) sana – I’m not sure why.

I survived my prenatal exercises class. Or to put it mildly a la my husband "Gila babi bapak penat" (ok he doesn't speak that way but uhm, yeah, those are some of his favorite terms - harap2 Little Yakuza won't turn into a swearbox mwahaha). Dengan kaki yang senantiasa bengkak, rasa macam mahu menangis apabila ada gerak exercise yang melibatkan kaki.

Alamak it's almost 11pm (jangan percaya time stamp di bawah). Esoklah kita sambung.

Seksanya nak bayar saman trafik.
Kali ke-3 singgah ke kaunter trafik baru dapat bayar saman:
1. Called balai polis TTDI to ask for the nearest place to pay saman - dia kata The Curve (polis kata it's only open from 10am to noon on weekends). Macam hampas, I went to there at 10:30am, turns out they are open from 2pm-8pm on weekends!
2. Went there again at 5pm. Abang polis pergi solat. *bangs head to the wall*
3. Terkejar-kejar kembali ke kaunter by 7:10pm. Takut abang polis pi solat lagi. He's there yay! Reluctantly parted with RM360.

Lepas ni aku janji aku tak park illegally / langgar lampu merah / obstruct traffic lagi!

The new Komikoo is finally out! Lama gila okay tunggu this issue. Worth the wait though because the paper quality sudah tidak flimsy lagi. Do get it at the your nearest bookstore. Orang Singapura mahu satu copy kah? Do email me okay. :)

p/s: Surat bonus masih belum kelihatan. Aergh the suspense will kill us all at the office.