tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32160692024-02-21T07:49:02.279+08:00NateNatasya in the Sky, kini berbahasa Melayu.Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.comBlogger1104125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-41305330292375736802022-03-27T00:50:00.000+08:002022-03-27T00:50:47.145+08:00a good age Alhamdulillah. Perhaps turning 45 is not bad after all. Masih disayangi. Masih terus dihargai.Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-60827414325985499642021-12-31T18:05:00.002+08:002022-03-27T00:53:12.126+08:00On your birthdayHappy birthday Fajar Aidu Abdul Talib.Pejam celik sudah hampir setahun you hancurkan hidup I. But I'm sure you know that already, you read my text few months back kan?On your birthday, I doakan you bahagia selalu dan dilapangkan hati you agar you memahami that the damage you have caused cannot be undone. Maybe one day when I'm mature and sane enough we'll have a chat over coffee so that you can Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-14802860478493361292021-08-09T23:54:00.000+08:002021-08-09T23:54:00.672+08:00jktPhotos from 6 years ago in JKT emerged on my IG. THIS IS WHY I SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE BACK TO IG.This was the year my bestfriend and I fell out out. I went to JKT and lived my live until 2021 without a clue that you would sleep with her (oh multiple times?). Without a clue that you have been on her side, not mine. And I couldn't stop thinking about this - you gave me physical space not because you Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-83787264237929809932021-07-20T03:30:00.001+08:002021-07-20T03:30:13.021+08:00korbanCouldn't sleep and it's 3am in the morning. The heat is unbearable these days. As I lay in my marital bed thinking if I should force myself to sleep or read, I forced myself to get up instead. Washed the dishes and turned on YouTube to watch some Korean vlogs. I like watching them, they're so aesthetically pleasing but I can't imagine the amount of time they spent just filming and editing.&Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-21927435978908634982021-07-19T20:28:00.001+08:002021-07-19T20:28:15.296+08:00RandomTyping this from a tiny keyboard I bought from China for my new iPad mini. Maybe I’ll buy an Apple pen next. Ah the joy of material things - often short lived yet so pleasing.Anyways, some updates:Current fave song: Dope Lovers - DPR Ian. I love this song so much I actually got She's vibin, no compass engraved on the iPad.Currently reading: A Little Life. Who doesn’t know this book?? I was Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-75975125353788253432021-07-10T23:53:00.002+08:002021-07-10T23:53:28.287+08:00mok said if there's one thing that i will always remember what my grandma said, it's sit straight don't slouch.not sure why this came to mind tonight. Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-40416287799363225832021-05-11T07:30:00.004+08:002021-05-11T07:30:41.354+08:00But I still fucking love you babeGuess you didn't mean what you wrote in that poem about me Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-34512431047824447302021-04-24T09:28:00.003+08:002021-04-24T09:28:49.908+08:00mencari ruang Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-44871296465745348492021-03-28T21:53:00.007+08:002021-03-28T21:53:53.780+08:00on turning 44, cursed age.25 March is always a dreaded date. I can’t
explain this emotional storm but I guess if I could hide or disappear for a day
this would be it. Maybe 20 January too but we’ll see next year. But 24
hours disappeared in a heartbeat, I picked myself up and self-loathe aside, the
next day we packed our bags for a short staycation in the city. Pure unadulterated
fun with family & friends.
Some Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-57810299164959046822021-03-06T15:10:00.007+08:002021-03-06T15:12:12.948+08:00hey my superhero My handsome rebellious dad would have been 77 today.I’m ashamed to tell you that I’m a complete failure now, Baba. I’m sorry. I know if you’re still around we would have gone for a long drive, you would have talked some sense into me and force me to think things through. Or maybe we’ll just sit in silence at PCB beach to catch the sunset or people watch at Dataran Merdeka because you’re always Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-80224137416436023242021-03-05T19:54:00.004+08:002021-03-05T19:54:14.803+08:00Aku Ingin by Sapardi Djoko DamonoAku Ingin “Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada” Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-49063654113168816962021-03-02T22:22:00.003+08:002021-03-02T22:22:41.257+08:00busy You were busy fucking her when I was losing my mind over my brother. You were busy fucking her when I lost my job. You were busy fucking her when I thought I was failing as a mother, when I was actually failing as a wife.You were busy fucking her when I was thinking about our, no, your financials. You were busy fucking her when...Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-86973786207464660062021-03-02T22:16:00.004+08:002021-03-02T22:16:51.991+08:00wishI wish I can go back to loving myself. At least to a time when I still can look at the mirror and not be repulsed by what I see. The failure that I've become. The empty shell that I am now. Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-52952077351717374392021-02-20T09:06:00.003+08:002021-02-20T09:06:44.842+08:00Milestone with the champMy eldest and I hit another milestone yesterday. We mengaji together! Totally unexpected. But that's the thing with him lately, he grows up so fast in a blink of an eye. His voice is breaking soon, he's super attentive to his grandparents, and many more.I pray that the boys will never break my heart. <3Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-5614284579495118102021-02-15T17:34:00.001+08:002021-02-15T17:37:27.497+08:00randomI ask myself why am I being so hard on myself. But how can't I be. I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now.Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-19204724399250050612021-01-23T17:34:00.005+08:002021-02-15T17:36:31.314+08:00The five stages of grief denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptanceThere will be no acceptance, and I will stay in anger forever.Day #4Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-19557516431981173602020-12-01T21:38:00.001+08:002020-12-01T21:38:56.515+08:00random I was watching a Thai cooking show on how to make the best tom yam goong. Not that I have any intention to cook tom yam anyways, it's just for the sake of watching a funny YouTube video. But here's something that I remember. My late dad hated tom yam. For someone who hails from East Coast it baffled me why does he hates tom yam so much?Yeah random. But I don't want to lose any Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-77403303388963987632020-11-10T21:01:00.002+08:002020-11-10T21:01:39.546+08:00surgery and mama's birthdayI don't know what's the opposite of craniectomy but Aiman had his surgery today to put back a part of his skull today. I was not expecting we would get a date this soon and I guess I got used to seeing with his head sunken in by now. I was informed his surgery went well and now we brace for the second wave of his recovery. Or maybe catastrophe -- I don't know. Traumatic brain injury is a terribleNatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-73155298842677782482020-10-12T21:07:00.000+08:002020-10-12T21:07:00.897+08:00and so it beginsAs my brother deteriorates, my biggest fear is coming true. Another lockdown in town and now I am at lost figuring out how to manage his hospital appointments, visiting hours etc. Didn't my sister once told me that no man is an island? Then why am I feeling helpless right now?Remember, things are always easier said than done. As I struggle with my emotions. I am struggling with finding the right Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-49337413776388594142020-09-30T21:21:00.005+08:002020-09-30T21:23:12.573+08:00love thy be doneTruth is, I've been waiting for this to happen for so long and finally it did.I'm sick and tired of managing my anxiety and crying over things that I can't control but I am glad I cried of happy tears at this happy ceremony. Sometimes He takes a while to grant my prayers I guess.Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-77077360597712679462020-09-19T18:10:00.001+08:002020-09-19T18:12:09.849+08:00Zoo trip - Malaysia DayWe can continue to debate about the need for a zoo or how wrong zoos are but either way, my children needed to be out and it's a public holiday and the opportunity to hang out with my best friend and her family are hard to resist. Overheard: Kenapa kita kena tengok badak mandi?Yay from Imaan.Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-44044281570743562832020-09-12T20:53:00.002+08:002020-09-13T06:27:51.935+08:00No ordinary love Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-40593811547990306552020-08-31T08:33:00.003+08:002020-08-31T08:33:59.909+08:00KB day tripWent back to KB for a day trip to visit my ailing uncle. It was a long overdue trip, and I'm glad I got to do this with my sister and my eldest niece. The airport seems like a strange place and minimal crowd (KFC & PappaRich closed down at KLIA2 FYI).Managed to squeeze in a lot of things in a day - kubur visit, food and food, pasar siti khadijah, visit relatives. All good. We stayed at Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-61369262840050461862020-07-29T06:57:00.001+08:002020-07-29T06:57:20.090+08:00Update from yesterdayNate, sorry for the late update. Was busy the whole day. Ardani is stable, and so far all the infective cultures came back as negative. But because of the severe brain injury, likely he’ll be in that semiconscious state for a long time. For now he will need the permanent tracheostomy tube (which usually tahan for 6 months with care), and nasal tube feeding. To prepare for care at home, kena ada Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216069.post-13060599856233191182020-07-26T06:37:00.000+08:002020-07-26T06:37:46.170+08:002 weeks onEvery Sunday feels like reliving a nightmare all over again. it's been 2 weeks and we have started discussing long term palliative care for you, Man. Painful decisions had to be made but do know that whatever it is, we will make sure that you get the best care okay.I hope you can hear our prayers. I cried so much for the past 2 days but I promise I'll be stronger for you.Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15366406097849939791noreply@blogger.com0