Kisah Nenda #1
Originally uploaded by natinski

"Bila nak kahwin?"

So I told her about my surpreme plan to marry a guy who makes his own biskut raya & sings off-key. "Kerja gomen ke?". Tak. Kerja biasa2 saja. Selepas Isya' hinggalah ke jam 12 malam, Nenda tidak berhenti bercakap. Menyesal aku cakap aku nak kahwin (well i had to tell her something). Aku juga menyesal kerana cakap aku mahu tido sebilik dengannya.

Jam 12:37 a.m. aku angkat kaki lari tido di bilik sebelah walaupun aku begitu takut untuk tido bersendirian, fearing that i'll bump into roh2 moyang / datuk aku (hanya mitos belaka).

Nenda kata bila umur sudah 30, dah tak laku. Aku cuma diam. Jis2 ceramah Nenda hanya berkisar tentang perkahwinan sahaja. Tak sia-sia aku punyai this capability untuk kosongkan minda dan block-out segala yang diperkatakannya.

(more to come tomorrow)

Hola, Cik Nate dah balik. I survived Kota Bharu!

I wrote so many things in my Moleskine and if I have time, I'll publish it here (oh you know you want to read my anecdotes tentang Kota Bharu).

Cuma sebelum itu, Cik Nate tersentak baca Harian Metro ini hari:
"PESERTA PROGRAM REALITI TV MAUT"

Joe Labi dari rancangan realiti TV Mencari Cinta sudah meninggal. Kemalangan jalanraya. Joe Labi si comic relief itu.. dah takde. I wrote few things about him here ketika Mencari Cinta tengah hangat ketika itu.

Semoga roh arwah dicucuri rahmat. Al-Fatihah.

Happy Eid!

Happy Eid!
Originally uploaded by natinski

Ok you guys, have a safe Hari Raya ok. My flight is tomorrow and I'm actually looking forward to spend some neurotic time in Kota Bharu.

Woohoo Kelate rawks! (walaupun panas macam neraka)

semalam aku menangis di sepanjang mrr2 sambil mendengar lagu raya black dog bone. just to let you know that i'm still having a hard time dealing with this whole ramadhan and looming Hari Raya thing. as you grow older, hari raya no longer brings any joy to some of us (maybe i'm an isolated case, but if you are experiencing the same thing arent you glad that i'm writing about this?). raya to me, means satu konsep paksaan. terpaksa balik kampung, sedangkan dalam masa setahun kita boleh mana-mana tarikh untuk bertemu sanak saudara yang semakin out of sight, out of mind. terpaksa beli baju baru, barang kemas baru, or else ppl will think you're not doing so well in life. Terpaksa menepis soalan2 cepu emas, di mana sekarang soalan itu dijawab umpama satu renungan kosong umpama aku tidak memahami bahasa melayu. Terpaksa explain kenapa badan naik, sebab di dalam family tree Idris tiada seorang pun badan berisi. terpaksa makan hati, sebab ahli keluarga berjaya mengelakkan diri daripada pulang berhari raya di kampung (ya, puasa hari ke-19, aku masih bitter dengan keputusan keluarga aku!).

apa kata kalau raya tahun ini aku lari sahaja ke mana-mana pulau? Tak boleh, tiket (mahal) sudah dibeli. Lagipun my only consolation would be comfort food - mana lagi aku nak cari authentic nasitumpangnasidagangnasiberlaukkuihtahiitiklompattikamkuihpianakuihakokayampercik itu? dan takkan aku nak miss sembahyang Raya (di mana selepas solat Cik Nate akan menanti dengan penuh setia anak-anak Sultan keluar masjid - Tengku Faiz kahwinilah aku!). Hehe.

Oh, just when i need my family the most they've decided to celebrate Raya at my brother-in-law's kampung instead! Ohh baguslah tu! Ha lain kali, buat lah lagi keputusan or any decision making without consulting me first! Memang aku emo, and makan hati sangat-sangat dah ni. But of course they don't have to know about it. Nanti jadi adik derhaka. Maklumlah, siapa aku, i'm just that sister yang tiada suami, tiada anak-anak, hence tiada komitmen dan lebih pentingkan kawan-kawan bukan? But wow, spending Raya this year with a grandmother who is very hard to please and a younger brother who i no longer knew is gonna be tough indeed. *sigh* Will try to make the best out of it lah i guess but at this moment kindly do not bring up the subject of Raya to me kthnxbai.

Because i am super-ignorant, i had to be told that 'ayam penyeK' is actually 'ayam penyeT'. and ayam penyet is not from singapore, but rather an indonesian food. That's how we got to Ayam Penyet House di Beach Road di mana kami disajikan dengan ayam goreng (apparently squashed, dont ask me how) dan disajikan bersama kangkung, sambal lada, kobis, tauhu dan tempe (in which i blurted out in my Kelantanese accent - "orghe Kelate tok reti make' tempe wehhh"). But aduhai, begitu enak sekali! The chicken is very tender and crunchy too. In fact, i think i like it better than nasi padang! Actually dah lama my ex-colleague, Han (who is still legally a Singaporean - yang tengah dalam pantang) promote ayam penyet ni. But you know me lah, bila di SG hanya teringat nak makan Taco Bell sahaja. Who can say no to the super delicious chicken gordita itu! dan di KFC sana ada cheesy fries (sama konsep seperti cheesy wedges di sini). Adeh, sedap gila.



The boys also ordered jus duren i.e. jus durian di APH. Walaupun yours truly ni allergic to durian, i took a sip and it is good juga! Jadi sekian sahaja food rebiu saya buat kali ini. Kali ini i didnt shop that much except i went gung-ho with the stationaries di Borders and bought a bunch of postcards, bookmarks and a pen and mendapat hadiah lunch box (juga dari Borders) dan key chain Lego (watak Darth Vader). I am uber-cool.





Ramadhan sudah hampir. Masa untuk menurunkan berat badan! Yeahoo! ;)

free hugs

free hug
Originally uploaded by natinski

Cik Nate wants to go to Singapore again this weekend. Harap-harap tidak ditahan di Kastam lagi, sudah serik! Sebenarnya kali ini tiada agenda yang khusus kecuali mahu makan di Taco Bell (dan mencuba ayam penyek), berjalan kaki menghirup udara segar (udara orang kaya as we call it) at Orange Grove Rd dan lepak di Kino atau Borders seperti ulat-ulat buku yang lain. Dan jika bertemu dengan budak Free Hugs itu lagi, aku mahu peluk dia kuat-kuat. Salaam hormat pada Nanie yang akan mengadakan majlis hari jadi berkonsepkan retro groovy dan serta Desida yang akan mengadakan parti bertemakan Lawrence of Arabia (deng).

Have a great weekend.

If there's one thing we all ladies could learn from the Japanese movie - Love & Honor lakonan Takuya Kimura, then it would be oi belajarlah masak cuisine2/masakan2 yang best. Sebab nanti kalau (like the movie) you kena cerai, or husband you tiba2 menjadi buta akibat demam panas, he can still remember your cooking.

Pergh, I totally cried over that. Suami aku (kalau aku kahwinlah hey) mungkin akan menangis bila merasa masakan aku. Sebab tak sedap. *giggles*

the red dress

the red dress
Originally uploaded by natinski

Ok selamat tinggal. I'm off to KCH for a wedding. Diharapkan baju yang menayangkan lurah klivaj* ini tidak akan menghampakan aku. Lepas ini aku taknak pakai seksi dah (yeahhh right and Chomsky can fly out of my butt thank you).

* ini terminologi Chee. ;p

Sometimes our friend Nikmat (Nikmat Dunia as I call him) say the funniest things:
"Jom kita makan donut cinta nak?"
This is in reference to Big Apple Donuts di the Curve yang membuat semua orang tidak tidur malam. Aku lihat Nikmat makan 3 donut bersalut cokelat dan kacang tanpa berkata apa-apa. "Inilah cinta hati saya", katanya lagi. Geli hati aku dibuatnya.
Sebentar tadi dia hantar teks mesej kepada kami:
"Lu berdua meriakan petang gua. Terima kasih."
Right back at cha, Nikmat. Hati gua juga berbunga riang ini hari.

i look like a friggin' darth vader today.
semalam, sebelum bergegas pulang untuk menyalin baju dan keluar kembali untuk bergegas ke keramat kerana ingin mencuba lidah lembu (uih jauhnya digression aku nieh tapi lidah lembu itu sedap), my boss pesan pada aku - "esok datang awal ya, i nak you mengadap tuan haji over this proposal bla bla bla" and then she just had to add that tiny tiny cherry on top la kan:
boss: aaaaand jangan lupa...
me: i know what you're gonna say already: JAGA AURAT kan?

so end up, hari ini aku pakai jubah. tapi jangan bimbang, pakai jubah macam ini pun, masih ada kata-kata sumbang dari orang2 yang deprived kat sini yang akan kata aku seksi. *sigh* such is life. nak jadikan cerita pula, tuan haji takde di office today!! nggh.

tak kisahlah.



tonight will be the final drinking session for Nasrullah and I. sedih! he's going back to Jakarta for good (eventhough i think we're gonna meet up in Kuching next weekend yay tuak!). From the last session, dia tanya aku:
"Hey, do you want to marry an Indonesian cop nggak? i have a friend..."
Me?! Marry a cop? Indonesian pulak tu!
aku bilang sama Nasrullah - if he has a hot body like christian sugiono, sensitiviti seperti nicholas saputra, suara seperti ello, angst seperti fauzi baadila then count me in man! when is the next flight to Jakarta?!i think my perception about abang-abang polis is pretty much ruined by watching Gerak Khas. I guess i need not elaborate on that haha.

Semalam di GSC midvalley ketika menonton Harry Potter (untuk kali ke-tiga huhu) tiba-tiba kawan aku si Sara Cantik yang duduk di sebelah menjerit "Get a Room!". Er, mula-mula ingatkan itu reaksi spontan-nya setelah menyaksikan tekanan seksual (sexual tension) antara Ron Weasley & Hermione Granger. Bukan. Rupa-rupanya couple yang disebelahnya (ya ya aku tahu kamu mahu tahu mereka bangsa apa? what do you think?) tengah asyik beromen for the past 2 hours. Hmm ingatkan budaya beromen dalam panggung sudah lama pupus. Rupanya ada lagi! Sara Cantik terus memberontak terhadap limpahan nafsu serakah pasangan tersebut dengan menghentak kotak popcorn-nya sambil membebel. Terus aku tak jadi nak menangis tatkala Harry Potter sedang berperang emosi dengan Lord Voldermort itu. hee hee.

Honestly aku tabik spring lah pada Sara. I don't know what I'd do if a couple is making out next to me. I'd probably:
1. Tukar tempat
2. Buat2 tertumpah air atau TERcubit orang sebelah yang tengah asyik dibuai nafsu
3. Panggil budak suruhan sinema dan buat aduan

But that's one thing lah about MidValley ye (Cik Nate goes all righteous and alim-istic) - This is a shopping mall mmg penuh dengan pasangan Melayu bernafsu. Belakang tiang, di food court, dalam cinema - just name it. It's like the haven for skodeng man! Ada satu ketika masa aku tengah shopping di Dorothy Perkins, tiba2 aku dengar si penjaga butik manis memanggil temannya "weh, skodeng". True enough, di hadapan mata kami, si lelaki sedang seluk tangan dia dalam baju awek dia. GET A FUCKING ROOM! But then again, bila fikir balik, getting a room would cost money and having premarital sex di rumah mungkin akan kena tangkap khalwat so haaaa, seluk jangan tak seluk. Euw. Mana datang pasangan-pasangan yang berfikiran jalanan/murahan ini. PDA (Public Display of Affection) is sweet but when it involves groping in public, it just becomes downright cheap.

and then and then (ye aku tak habis lagi ni) - di MNG pula, ada seorang gadis bertudung tapi dadanya luas terbuka - hampir nampak cleavage dia. dalam hati aku menjerit "WHAT IS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT!?!". Ikhhh, buat sakit mata aku sahaja.

Hmm. Pagi-pagi aku dah bashing bangsa aku sendiri. Nice. You guys wanna call yourself Islamophobes, go ahead. I think I'm secretly a Melayuphobe (if there's such a thing haha - take it light ppl).

Ketika tengah makan di food court pula, tiba2 my former fling (re: si Shah body best muka macam anak Yusof Haslam) lalu di sebelah. Thank God he didn't see me. Sara tanya "Why are you avoiding him?". Honestly I can't remember why but at that moment of time, aku cukup tak suka terjumpa orang di saat aku tengah selebet. Tapi Shah memang handsome. Kalau aku digandingkan dengan dia, pasti kami akan menjadi star couple kih kih. Dalam utopia aku sendiri: mahu je aku berlari-lari anak kepadanya dan memeluknya kuat-kuat (re: sila refer balik kepada definisi 'memeluk tiang yang dibaluti bantal empuk') . Tapi aku adalah seorang wanita hedonistik yang tidak pernah tunduk pada lelaki yang handsome (kerana lelaki-lelaki handsome semuanya keji - tapi eh wait, lelaki tak hensem juga keji!). Instead, aku paksa Sara makan cepat-cepat and quietly left the foodcourt.

On my way home, i texted shah:
"Shah stop looking so hot and fuckable all the time"
[jangan betulkan monitor anda, i send lewd SMS all the time]
He immediately texted me back and called a couple of times. I didn't answer. Malas nak layan.


I woke up this morning and immediately remembered why I've been avoiding him. Dia tak mahu commitment. Masa 1st time jumpa itulah perkara pertama yang dia utarakan - no commitments* - kerana dia mahu concentrate on work and become a millionaire by the time he's 30 (he's now 28). Apa lagi, Cik Nate angkat kaki lah. I don't have time to fool around (well sometimes I do, when absinthe is involved). Using that 'no commitments' card can take you anywhere and I'm not in a position where i want to get my feelings hurt and my heart broken anymore. Faham?

Movie update: I've seen the Thai movie 'Me, Myself' itu. Nangis. Fairul kata cerita itu ada premis yang bagus walaupun agak slow. Aku buat-buat faham maksud dia sebab i only know how to use the word 'premis' dalam context 'premis perniagaan'. *giggles* Anyway, I want a boyfriend yang jambu macam Ananda Everingham! ;)

* "No commitments": Statement buaya daratz.

tak pasal2 aku sudah bergaduh dengan budak despatch yang datang hantar some stuff to my office. benda-benda tu berat and dia taknak tolong aku angkat and there's no one else to help me. why? because jantan-jantan kat office aku semua tak boleh di harap. bila diminta angkat barang muka mereka berubah macam aku nak potong [sila insert nama anu mereka di sini]. erghhh marah nieh!!! bastat sungguh lah. fuckin' cretins. *tarik nafas panjang-panjang*

Suatu hari Kak Zazou, sekretari Tn Hj minta aku ke pejabatnya dengan segera.
"Dik, Tn Hj nak guna perkataan komplasen dalam speech yang adik tulis tu"
"Complacent? takde hal lah kak. Translasinya adalah terlalu cepat berpuas hati dengan sesuatu bla bla bla..."
"Taaak, dia nak guna perkataan komplasen. KOM.PLA.SENNN. Boleh pakai ke? Adik boleh check dengan DBP tak"

Dalam hati aku sudah menyumpah-nyumpah DBP. Dasar komunis bahasa. Pemalas. Complacent!

Lebih menyirap apabila URTV menggunakan perkataan ANIVERSARI (ketika saya sedang browsing majalah kamera digital - hey mana ada i baca majalah2 hiburan & TV tu!). Menyirap darah aku. This love-hate relationship with the so called translasi Bahasa Inggeris is not gettting me anywhere. Aku rasa rebellious, mahu memberontak, mahu jadi nihilist. Atau berdiri di depan DBP dengan memakai baby tee Semusim di Neraka (fuuuh siap promo) dan jerit, hey penghuni-penghuni DBP. Turun sini! Let me teach you guys a thing or two about translation!!!

Sekadar angan-angan sahaja. Seperti angan-angan lain yang dititip di dalam buku nota moleskine hitam kesayanganku (intipatinya rahsia hee hee).

Bos aku sudah bising. I'm supposed to enrol in a kelas bahasa melayu (bagi industri kewangan dan perbankan) anjuran BNM & DBP. Cik Nate belum register lagi. tak nak register!!! *memberontak* Lagipun rasanya dah buang ke dalam tong sampah borang registrasi itu. ;)

p/s: Woi malam ini Nitrus will be performing @ The Laundry. Jemput datang. :)

ya ampun, anak sapa nih!!?? (ni anak my sister audra - dia suka nanyi lagu umbrella dan bila masuk azan maghrib mesti dia nak pakai tudung)



yang ni pulak anak sapa nih?!! (er, yang ni gw pun tak tahu but i saw her at dataran merdeka last sunday monday. comel sangat)

looking at their photos i think when i have a daughter i nak dia pakai tudung jugak lah.
cuma
i dont think i'm ready to give up my cleavage yet mwakaka.

Ralat:

My parents didn't lie to me. I missed out on a crucial information. The King Kong movie does exist, the 1976 version one starring Jeff Bridges - King Kong: The Legend Reborn.

Thanks Nalan for ze info. (I'm sorry again Mama!)

I've been wanting to write about this story lama dah. well, since the article came out.
you see, my parents, particularly my mother always tell me that my middle name Natasya comes from a movie about a particular female Russian soldier yang bernama Natasha. Growing up, i just accept the story as it is, i mean come on, surely cerita ini direka oleh my parents. i am so sheltered as an anak perempuan bongsu, you have no idea. they like to romanticize things - including how masa my mom mengandungkan saya they went to see King Kong and they kept saying thank God i came out non-hairy with a beautiful nose (a perfect symmetrical lie : King Kong came out in 1933, not 1977).
i've searched high-and-lo for the movie about Natasha but never found it.
until this article came out about a guy nama Amy Natasha:


an excerpt:
"Menyingkap sejarah di sebalik namanya, ibu Amy, Azizah Mohd Ibrahim, 55, berkata nama Natasha dipilih selepas beliau dan arwah suami, Norhuda, menonton filem perang Russia sekitar 1978 yang memaparkan ketangkasan watak pegawai tentera wanita, dikenali sebagai Leftenan Natasha".

So the movie does exist! And my parents weren't lying after all! Weird coincidence kan. I was in Pulau Ketam masa tu and my sister texted me asking me to read the story. Rasa macam nak balik waktu itu juga and hug my mom and tell her i'm sorry! For the past 30 years I thought you were lying about my name!

:)

I cant wait to see my mother today. She said she missed me while i was away in SG and that was the best thing a daughter could hear from her mother.

trivia: my parents also said my grandmother suggested naming me nanie natasya. can you imagine nama gua NANIE NATASYA !!?! *giggles*

Alang-alang dah update the english diary, I might as well update here as well. Feel untuk kerja belum datang. Baru pulang dari Temasek semalam. Tak jumpa Taufik Batisah pun. I’m listening to Mati Aku Mati, berbaju kurung hijau pucuk pisang (euw), tidak memakai celak dan menggayakan jam tangan baru yang dibeli di Bugis Street semalam dengan harga S$5.

I think from this trip kali ini, peristiwa ditahan di Kastam Singapura (kerana pink SKL!) takkan ku lupa hingga ke bila-bila. Walaupun hampir menangis disoal-siasat (buat apa di Singapura? Rokok ni untuk siapa? Tak takut kena denda 200 dolar?) I was treated nicely. Thank God.
Did a bit of shopping (tipu, I did a LOT of shopping) and sight-seeing. Seronok kali ini because I didn’t have to report to anybody (i.e. a boyfriend) and there was no need to please anybody.

Ok mood kerja sudah datang! Have a great week ahead ok.

get a room 01

get a room 01
Originally uploaded by sufian_abas

I love this pic!

(Sufian Abas memang bastat)

Tadi kan, like, Ustaz Z, singgah ke office ku (di mana saya kelam-kabut tutup aurat kerana minggu lepas sudah kena sound sama ustaz) dengan anak bongsunya. Hensem macam ayahnya. Pemalu, tidak macam ayahnya. Ustaz Z berkata kepada anaknya sambil menarik tangan anaknya kepada aku - "Salam dengan auntie cun, Anas". Huhu. Berbunga sekejap hati Cik Nate.

(yes i have a massive crush on my ustaz. i have no shame! All these akidah classes are not helping my moral standings thanks)

We're all gonna burn in hell kerana Pak Salleh.




Rebiu: Aku dengar ada penyair soleh di sini by SDN.

Alamak Hujan is playing at The Laundry tonight!!
(eh betul ke myspace dia orang ni)
(tapi aku ada date malam ni dengan si dia dari Djakarta)



p/s: Aku suka lagu 'Pagi yang Gelap'. The clouds nampak macam popcorns pagi ini. Semalam pun macam tu juga. Weird.

Fete de la Musique @ Alliance Francaise, 24th June 2007.

















Semua orang malas nak kerja ini hari. Increment sudah masuk, ada orang muka masam mencuka (including my boss huhu). I think my increment is ok. Alhamdulillah.

p/s: We saw Sharifah Amani @ AF. She is hawt with the bald head. Note to self: Lain kali nak mengurat Reza Salleh, jangan biarkan dia terkontang-kanting. Sorry Reza, I got distracted. Will take your photo next time around!

Jaja, if you ask me apa yang kita telah pelajari di tazkirah jumaat hari ini (pandainya ustazah buat ceramah supaya kami tak berlari ke warehouse sale loreal/maybelline waktu lunch time) hanya satu sahajalah yang sempat disalin:
"Jangan jadi sahabat seperti bulan gerhana yang muncul hanya sekali-sekala".
I don't know what ustazah was going on about for the rest of the ceramah. The usual anecdotes-lah tentang menjadi wanita muslimah etc.
*yawnYAWNyawn*

malas nak updet. balik ke kl, kerja tetap menimbun. as if everybody is waiting for me to come back. but that's not a big deal. i dont like ppl doing my work anyway. sejak balik dari kuching ni rasa macam blur sikit lah. maybe because i'm not feeling well. hopefully things will go back to normal when i get my bearings back in a couple of days. i miss my friends. let's hang out and waste money on minuman keras! just kiddin' lah.

staring at the picture, i wish my life boleh diundur. tak perlu banyak, sedikit cukuplah.

Greetings from Kuching!

Ex-bf masa kolej nak datang melawat (dia nak bagi ikan terubuk masin).
Aku kata - "Jangan jadi Tanggang".

Will be back Sunday.

suatu hari di pulau ketam:

"so natasya, ayah awak selalu fishing kat mana?"
"di US..."

so you can imagine lah why i was a bit reluctant to answer that question. nanti orang kata apa pula. but my dad was an avid angler back then. i remember sometimes we would head out in the freezing winter to go fishing. walaupun air sungai DeKalb semakin membeku, tapi dapat juga ikan! i'm just not sure why he stopped fishing altogether bila sudah pulang ke tanahair.

fishing trip to pulau ketam was fun. banyak juga ikan-ikan (kecil huhu) yang berjaya ditangkap. i slept most of the time sebab kena bangun 430 pagi. dan lelaki-lelaki pengail semua taknak pegang ikan so i was the tukang-cabut-mata-kail-dari-ikan. kih kih. but i'd definitely go there again.

ayat tipikal: will upload the photos later. it's been a busy month for me.

Pencinta Wanita versi Kelantan

Ho la terimo kasih banyok sebhak youtube ni lah opismate2 ambo dok gelok kak ambo sebhak ambo orghe kelate!

Tangan sudah mula seram sejuk. Sesejuk seperti going on a 1st date with the guy you like. No wait, i’m never nervous on a first date. Sejuk seperti menunggu nama dipanggil untuk ditemuduga. Or something like that. My point is, tangan ini sudah mula membeku kerana on the 5th of June my CEO yang tidak berbahasa Melayu itu mahu lihat 2 (dua / dos / yee / two) teks ucapannya yang ditulis oleh si penulis korporat ini yang juga masih terkial-kial menulis teks ucapan berbahasa Melayu. Ya ampun, dah hampir 2 tahun aku menjadi penulis teks ucapannya. Dah tak tahu nak goreng apa dah. Cut-and-paste, potong-dan-tampal teks2 ucapan sendiri sambil menceduk teks-teks orang lain (oops sori), masukkan peribahasa Melayu (untuk buat CEO / Chairman nampak seperti mereka menghargai budaya Melayu), masukkan ayat2 suci al-Quran (untuk buat CEO / Chairman nampak seperti mereka alim) semuanya telah kulakukan. Mati akal dah ni!

Kalau esok kedengaran lagu-lagu hardcore hip-hop from Cik Nate’s cubicle, faham2lah eh. Kepala tengah berserabut. Unless if i’m playing lagu-lagu jiwang Tompi then that’s a different story... ;)

mimpi. mencuri fonsel Zed Zaidi dan tertangkap lantas dikejar sekumpulan Oompa Loompa yang berparang. akhirnya dibuang daerah dan terkapai-kapai mencari bantuan, seseorang atau sesiapa yang sudi menyelamatkan diri ini.

realitas. dua minggu lalu. memandu di MRR2 lantas memotong sebuah perdana hitam. "Maaaaa!", jerit aku pada ibu. "Zed Zaidi!!!" Si ibu yang mata coklatnya masih belum sembuh dari pembedahan bertanya "betul ke? hensem tak". Dia hensem. Sehensem wajahnya ketika menjatuhkan talak terhadap Zeti. Namun, jelas dia tergolong di dalam coccoon yang terlalu teruja apabila dipandang. aku memotong keretanya sekali lagi. jeling sajalah. cukup.

sembilu kasih semakin intense. walaupun kadang kala tertidur (to my mother's dismay - because this is the only quality time i have for her these days - maaf ma! but you know-lah my weekends are crazy these days). Jumaat lalu aku dicubit Mama, "Bangun, dia orang dah bercerai. zety had a miscarriage". Haaaa!?! How can la be like that! Habis tu! Perempuan gediks yang putus tunang itu bersorak kegembiraan lah! Maka makin cerah lah peluangnya untuk meng-SHITWHATISTHEWORD fendi/zed zaidi!!

sometimes i say to myself, i watch too much tv. i could be right.

di endau

ungkapan laut di langit hitam
bintang dilihat dalam lautan
sangkutnya jala berukir hati
bagaikan cinta ku harap disisi
jaringan bibir bagaikan sesikat
nyiur dihanyut seimbas ombak
pohon ibu dilepas bayu
bagaikan hati menggisir batu
disinilah cinta menyerang aku
disinilah aku diserang kamu

Jalan Sesama (Indonesian version of Sesame Street) is so kiyoot! So when are we gonna get our own version eh?

Anyway, as expected, sudah ada orang membalas surat yang dilayang oleh wanita di Wellington itu semalam. 3 replies! Belum baca sepenuhnya lagi. Tengah asyik baca tentang kenaikan pencen. Sebentar lagi nak call my mother and tease her about the pay increase hee hee.

Gunkz - Cantik vidclip

I knowww, I'm 30 but I'm still a big fan of hip-hop. This is cool, sounds like Iwa K though.

Oh my God, you're kiddin right? Somebody actually sent a letter to Utusan Malaysia (sila rujuk pada suratkhabar tersebut ini hari) bertajuk:

Lelaki Melayu bermasalah?

*cringe*

Pada pendapat saya topik sebegini sesuai untuk suapan pembaca blogs sahaja tapi to actually send the letter to a local daily is is is ... so BITTER. Damn pei la weh!

Some excerpts: (i had to type this myself ok sbb cant find the online version and demi tidak menghampakan pembaca2 di sini (oh please) dan juga Cik Nate terpaksa menutup tajuk surat itu sbb nanti opismate buat spekulasi macam2 ttg my racial preference ho ho)

"Saya tidak faham mengapa lelaki Melayu mesti berkelakuan begitu buruk sekali."

"Golongan wanita tidak kira daripada bangsa apa pun, lebih selamat berada di kalangan lelaki Inggeris daripada bersama lelaki Melayu."

"Mereka perlu diajar menghormati wanita."

"Saya hendak berterus-terang; saya sudah bosan dengan sikap lelaki Melayu yang terus-terusan menimbulkan masalah dan sentiasa juga enggan mengaku itu ialah masalah mereka."

"Barangkali saya bersikap terlalu cauvinis wanita. Tetapi saya percaya cauvinis wanita tidak akan wujud jika puncanya tidak ada."

Ho ho Ho. Sungguh lantang wanita ini.

I have nothing to say. I'm looking forward to read the feedbacks/brickbats from disgruntled men or women yang bakal mengangkat wanita ini sebagai suara glokal mereka. *giggles sambil memandang sinis pada ofismate lelaki Melayu yang muka semakin merah apabila membaca warkah tersebut*

ayn

ayn
Originally uploaded by natinski.

Setelah penat bermain kejar-kejaran with my niece - Ayn terus ke tingkat atas untuk mengadu-domba kepada neneknya i.e. my mother:

Ayn: [undecipherable ramblings] Makcik kejar Ayn, bla bla bla
Mom: Makcik nak apa?
Ayn: MAKCIK NAK KAHWIN.

Cik Nate: .............

Hati ayahnya BERBUNGA RIA kerana puteranya seorang yang berilmu malah sentiasa dahagakan ilmu.
*falls asleep*

I'm at page 2 of Siddhartha. I know I can finish this, i just need to read it out loud in my head.

p/s: Congratulations to my sister Audra for winning the Anugerah Guru Cemerlang something-something award!

Kepala ni rasa macam nak meletups. how do men ppl manage to piss me off for 2 day straight?
I'd like to think that i'm the type of person who can handle anger graciously. i hate confrontations and if i feel that i dont need to explain/defend myself when i know i dont need to, then i'll just shut up. i mean seriously, you can look at me, and you can judge me for being the person that i am NOT. do you think i care? i'm so used to being stared at. sejak kecik lagi. no big deal man.

tapi ada jantan keparat sekor ni pinjam my thumbdrive(s) and i want them back! malasnya aku nak call dia and remind him over and over again that harta orang lain jangan disimpan lama2 nanti bila mati masuk neraka and all that, let alone nak tengok muka dia! Isk geram. Sakit kepala ni tau. Ok fine, i got the thumbdrives for free but still, they're mine!

Ok Cik Nate, think happy thoughts:



Er, that's my niece. Ada one day i went to her house and she cant stop saying "Makcik dah kahwin ke belum // Makcik bila nak kahwin" dalam segala intonasi berjuta-juta kali. Heh. I thought that was amusing. Serious! Makcik tak kisah kalau anak2 buah makcik semua tak sabar nak pakai baju flowergirls mereka. Iskhhh.

OK next happy thought.

Last Friday ketika cuba masuk ke sebuah kelab for their free-flow of margarita, the bouncer mintak check IC *roll eyes*. So i showed him my IC-lah. And he was like "woooooooooah". I just senyum jelah hor, and said "YES, I'M 30". Rupa-rupanya tahun ni adalagi ada orang nak check IC aku. Tsk.

Ok one more happy thought for the road. This is good, My anger is slowly surut.

I have a copy of my all-time favorite book Siddharta by Hermann Hesse in Bahasa Melayu!?! wtf . Tak sabar rasanya nak baca. Maybe i'll take a peek tonight. Tapi bila baca buku ni mesti nak letak the english version next to it kan? Just to compare. Anal.

DJ Altimet aku sayang sama kamu! (ye ye DJ Fuzz kamu juga)

>> My English rant space is down. So tumpang sini sekejap.

“I’m depressed!”
Most of the time it will fall to deaf ears because my friends hear that all the time but this week alone I’ve had 3 friends shouting back at me “Nate, you’re not depressed!”. Ok fine, let’s just call it temporary insanity then. Or a bad funk that I occasionally have when things are not going my way. Or maybe I’m just getting depression and boredom all mixed up. Poo.

Hatta, who left yesterday morning for Bali (for 10 days – damn I wish I was a surfer with no commitments like him) gave me a chaste kiss on the forehead before departing and looked straight into my teary eyes and said “do something ok”.

But I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I’m okay, most of the time I’m not ok. I hate public holidays because I never make plans. I have great friends but sometimes I feel like I’m burdening them with the weight of the world. I never tell my family anything because I’m a big girl who always pulls her shit together. I stayed at home to read and vegetate yesterday. It felt ok because a good book is always a good company. I went out for some groceries at the shopping mall nearby and on my way home I was at a red light, and ohmygod, I didn’t know how I got there. How did my synapse managed to bypass my clouded mind and tell my foot to stop at a red light and not crash into the car in front of mine? While watching tv with Hatta the night before he said “you’re watching tv but your mind is somewhere else”. But where has my mind wandered?

Fin.

P/s: Dear Blake, please bring blonde back. You give Bon Jovi a baaaad name. A squat revelation: Mr Tumnus is actually James McAvoy. I had no idea! I love my !E tv.

Tiap kali jumpa Girl, kita discuss pasal banyak benda. the pattern is the same but never dull. kita discuss pasal our families,then kita discuss about my bad (ex & wannabe) boyfriends; our next holiday and then kita discuss pasal AHMAD DHANI. kita discuss pasal ahmad dhani macam dia tu sedara kita sendirilah. paling recent is "kalau Dewa berpecah, kita nak ikut sapa?" Ahmad Dhani and his trails of domestic problems or Andra Ramadhan and his awesome new band? hehe.

Hatta is leaving for Bali on wednesday. for 10 bloody days. woi! mana aci! Habis siapa nak teman aku tengok TV malam2? Anyway, i think i want to ask him to seludup Angga masuk so that he can be my slave kat rumah.

Dah bosan sangat la ni. 75% of the staff (i think so, my maths is bad) is on leave. so technically, my kerja pun tak jalan. But i managed to finish a speech within an hour. speech bahasa melayu! damn i'm getting at this. either that or my cut-and-paste skills are getting better. and i forgot to eat breakfast too! excellent progress (because nasi lemak is evil and pihak kerajaan harus memantau gelaja makan nasi lemak for breakfast ini). semalam cuba crash diet tapi by the time nak masuk petang, kepala aku sudah mula pening2. lagipun i only managed to get 2 hours of sleep the night before. so had to call Girl dan seperti biasalah, lepak di Suzy's Corner. Entah apsal kami suka sangat lepak di sini. But the lamb chop and roti john istimewa there mmg sedap. termasuk mashed potato layered with melting cheese. oh yum! there goes my diet.
i'm semi-miserable today. it will all end soon.

Been listening to Imran Ajmain. Best-best.

Sayang, yang sudah tu sudah,
Nangis tidak berlagu, lagi...
Sayang, yang sudah tu sudah,
Bunga tiada bermadu, lagi..

i let myself fall...

i let myself fall...
Originally uploaded by natinski.

Cik Nate single lagi (sbb tu tak datang poetry reading semalam - tengah sibuk retail theraphy aaand jumpa Shah lagi). Oh well. Kepala tengah pening sikit ini hari. I did the stupidest thing last night. Aish, tak serik-serik! Takpelah, nanti Cik Nate tanggung sendiri.

"Sekebun cinta yang berbunga!!!"

Yes. Kat rumah ni. Baru habis nonton Sembilu Kasih [because wtf there is nothing to watch on a friday and i miss my mom]. I keep asking ppl the same question: "ada ke pasangan kekasih atau suami-isteri yang membahasakan diri mereka kau-aku in their relationship?"
Most likely not. Tapi kalau i ada jumpa pasangan macam ni i'm gonna say to them : "WOW you allz cakap macam Sembilu Kasih!!!"

Semalam aku nampak ex-bf aku on tv (the one yang berjaya buat hati aku remuk dan bergantung pada valium untuk beberapa bulan). Jantung aku terhenti seketika. I cried the entire night. I couldnt help myself. Aku tahu aku dah move on but i just couldnt help myself. I’m sorry.

Shah has been calling me often (huarggh kiyoot-nya dia). Lebih kerap dari si bf yang begitu sibuk dengan kerja sehingga tiada masa untuk aku. I hate HATE feeling neglected like this. I should keep myself occupied. Not with Shah, no. I’m not even sure if i like him pun. Aergh, lelaki mmg buat kepala aku berserabut!

Eh, DJ Cza on tv. Oh kiyoot nya dia.

rasa ralat / off tangent sedikit pada hari ini:

1. ceo mood baik. dia pakai tali leher azimat dia. hari ini kan hari rabu. dia kata air suam yang aku sediakan untuk dia rasa seperti dibeli di hotel hilton. dia emang sarkastik begitu tetapi hari ini dia senyum. mood baik mood baik.
2. untuk perkataan 'fee', kami tidak lagi menggunakan terjemahan 'caj' sebaliknya 'fi'. Fi !!! Jangan buat aku benci pada bahasa sendiri.
3. 2 more colleagues of mine dah tender. kebosanan bekerja bakal dirasai.
4. the death of ivan ilyich by leo tolstoy is a really good book. buat aku terfikir tentang mati. well, hari2 pun fikir tentang ini especially apabila manusia-manusia yang pakai kereta bikin mula memotong / mencucuk kereta aku dan cara pemanduan aku yang berhemah ini. hee hee.
5. esok cuti. nak buat apa eh?

In my email today:

Assalamualaikum & Hi

TV9 is 1 year old! You are invited to “Kenduri Setahun TV9”. The details are as follows:

Date : 3rd May 2007

Time : 4:30 – 6:30pm

Venue : Saloma Bistro, KL

Dress Code : Traditional / Formal

Hmm menarik ni. Rasa-rasa Mohd Pierre Andre datang tak?