Nate

>> My English rant space is down. So tumpang sini sekejap.

“I’m depressed!”
Most of the time it will fall to deaf ears because my friends hear that all the time but this week alone I’ve had 3 friends shouting back at me “Nate, you’re not depressed!”. Ok fine, let’s just call it temporary insanity then. Or a bad funk that I occasionally have when things are not going my way. Or maybe I’m just getting depression and boredom all mixed up. Poo.

Hatta, who left yesterday morning for Bali (for 10 days – damn I wish I was a surfer with no commitments like him) gave me a chaste kiss on the forehead before departing and looked straight into my teary eyes and said “do something ok”.

But I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I’m okay, most of the time I’m not ok. I hate public holidays because I never make plans. I have great friends but sometimes I feel like I’m burdening them with the weight of the world. I never tell my family anything because I’m a big girl who always pulls her shit together. I stayed at home to read and vegetate yesterday. It felt ok because a good book is always a good company. I went out for some groceries at the shopping mall nearby and on my way home I was at a red light, and ohmygod, I didn’t know how I got there. How did my synapse managed to bypass my clouded mind and tell my foot to stop at a red light and not crash into the car in front of mine? While watching tv with Hatta the night before he said “you’re watching tv but your mind is somewhere else”. But where has my mind wandered?

Fin.

P/s: Dear Blake, please bring blonde back. You give Bon Jovi a baaaad name. A squat revelation: Mr Tumnus is actually James McAvoy. I had no idea! I love my !E tv.