di endau

ungkapan laut di langit hitam
bintang dilihat dalam lautan
sangkutnya jala berukir hati
bagaikan cinta ku harap disisi
jaringan bibir bagaikan sesikat
nyiur dihanyut seimbas ombak
pohon ibu dilepas bayu
bagaikan hati menggisir batu
disinilah cinta menyerang aku
disinilah aku diserang kamu

Jalan Sesama (Indonesian version of Sesame Street) is so kiyoot! So when are we gonna get our own version eh?

Anyway, as expected, sudah ada orang membalas surat yang dilayang oleh wanita di Wellington itu semalam. 3 replies! Belum baca sepenuhnya lagi. Tengah asyik baca tentang kenaikan pencen. Sebentar lagi nak call my mother and tease her about the pay increase hee hee.

Gunkz - Cantik vidclip

I knowww, I'm 30 but I'm still a big fan of hip-hop. This is cool, sounds like Iwa K though.

Oh my God, you're kiddin right? Somebody actually sent a letter to Utusan Malaysia (sila rujuk pada suratkhabar tersebut ini hari) bertajuk:

Lelaki Melayu bermasalah?

*cringe*

Pada pendapat saya topik sebegini sesuai untuk suapan pembaca blogs sahaja tapi to actually send the letter to a local daily is is is ... so BITTER. Damn pei la weh!

Some excerpts: (i had to type this myself ok sbb cant find the online version and demi tidak menghampakan pembaca2 di sini (oh please) dan juga Cik Nate terpaksa menutup tajuk surat itu sbb nanti opismate buat spekulasi macam2 ttg my racial preference ho ho)

"Saya tidak faham mengapa lelaki Melayu mesti berkelakuan begitu buruk sekali."

"Golongan wanita tidak kira daripada bangsa apa pun, lebih selamat berada di kalangan lelaki Inggeris daripada bersama lelaki Melayu."

"Mereka perlu diajar menghormati wanita."

"Saya hendak berterus-terang; saya sudah bosan dengan sikap lelaki Melayu yang terus-terusan menimbulkan masalah dan sentiasa juga enggan mengaku itu ialah masalah mereka."

"Barangkali saya bersikap terlalu cauvinis wanita. Tetapi saya percaya cauvinis wanita tidak akan wujud jika puncanya tidak ada."

Ho ho Ho. Sungguh lantang wanita ini.

I have nothing to say. I'm looking forward to read the feedbacks/brickbats from disgruntled men or women yang bakal mengangkat wanita ini sebagai suara glokal mereka. *giggles sambil memandang sinis pada ofismate lelaki Melayu yang muka semakin merah apabila membaca warkah tersebut*

ayn

ayn
Originally uploaded by natinski.

Setelah penat bermain kejar-kejaran with my niece - Ayn terus ke tingkat atas untuk mengadu-domba kepada neneknya i.e. my mother:

Ayn: [undecipherable ramblings] Makcik kejar Ayn, bla bla bla
Mom: Makcik nak apa?
Ayn: MAKCIK NAK KAHWIN.

Cik Nate: .............

Hati ayahnya BERBUNGA RIA kerana puteranya seorang yang berilmu malah sentiasa dahagakan ilmu.
*falls asleep*

I'm at page 2 of Siddhartha. I know I can finish this, i just need to read it out loud in my head.

p/s: Congratulations to my sister Audra for winning the Anugerah Guru Cemerlang something-something award!

Kepala ni rasa macam nak meletups. how do men ppl manage to piss me off for 2 day straight?
I'd like to think that i'm the type of person who can handle anger graciously. i hate confrontations and if i feel that i dont need to explain/defend myself when i know i dont need to, then i'll just shut up. i mean seriously, you can look at me, and you can judge me for being the person that i am NOT. do you think i care? i'm so used to being stared at. sejak kecik lagi. no big deal man.

tapi ada jantan keparat sekor ni pinjam my thumbdrive(s) and i want them back! malasnya aku nak call dia and remind him over and over again that harta orang lain jangan disimpan lama2 nanti bila mati masuk neraka and all that, let alone nak tengok muka dia! Isk geram. Sakit kepala ni tau. Ok fine, i got the thumbdrives for free but still, they're mine!

Ok Cik Nate, think happy thoughts:



Er, that's my niece. Ada one day i went to her house and she cant stop saying "Makcik dah kahwin ke belum // Makcik bila nak kahwin" dalam segala intonasi berjuta-juta kali. Heh. I thought that was amusing. Serious! Makcik tak kisah kalau anak2 buah makcik semua tak sabar nak pakai baju flowergirls mereka. Iskhhh.

OK next happy thought.

Last Friday ketika cuba masuk ke sebuah kelab for their free-flow of margarita, the bouncer mintak check IC *roll eyes*. So i showed him my IC-lah. And he was like "woooooooooah". I just senyum jelah hor, and said "YES, I'M 30". Rupa-rupanya tahun ni adalagi ada orang nak check IC aku. Tsk.

Ok one more happy thought for the road. This is good, My anger is slowly surut.

I have a copy of my all-time favorite book Siddharta by Hermann Hesse in Bahasa Melayu!?! wtf . Tak sabar rasanya nak baca. Maybe i'll take a peek tonight. Tapi bila baca buku ni mesti nak letak the english version next to it kan? Just to compare. Anal.

DJ Altimet aku sayang sama kamu! (ye ye DJ Fuzz kamu juga)

>> My English rant space is down. So tumpang sini sekejap.

“I’m depressed!”
Most of the time it will fall to deaf ears because my friends hear that all the time but this week alone I’ve had 3 friends shouting back at me “Nate, you’re not depressed!”. Ok fine, let’s just call it temporary insanity then. Or a bad funk that I occasionally have when things are not going my way. Or maybe I’m just getting depression and boredom all mixed up. Poo.

Hatta, who left yesterday morning for Bali (for 10 days – damn I wish I was a surfer with no commitments like him) gave me a chaste kiss on the forehead before departing and looked straight into my teary eyes and said “do something ok”.

But I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I’m okay, most of the time I’m not ok. I hate public holidays because I never make plans. I have great friends but sometimes I feel like I’m burdening them with the weight of the world. I never tell my family anything because I’m a big girl who always pulls her shit together. I stayed at home to read and vegetate yesterday. It felt ok because a good book is always a good company. I went out for some groceries at the shopping mall nearby and on my way home I was at a red light, and ohmygod, I didn’t know how I got there. How did my synapse managed to bypass my clouded mind and tell my foot to stop at a red light and not crash into the car in front of mine? While watching tv with Hatta the night before he said “you’re watching tv but your mind is somewhere else”. But where has my mind wandered?

Fin.

P/s: Dear Blake, please bring blonde back. You give Bon Jovi a baaaad name. A squat revelation: Mr Tumnus is actually James McAvoy. I had no idea! I love my !E tv.

Tiap kali jumpa Girl, kita discuss pasal banyak benda. the pattern is the same but never dull. kita discuss pasal our families,then kita discuss about my bad (ex & wannabe) boyfriends; our next holiday and then kita discuss pasal AHMAD DHANI. kita discuss pasal ahmad dhani macam dia tu sedara kita sendirilah. paling recent is "kalau Dewa berpecah, kita nak ikut sapa?" Ahmad Dhani and his trails of domestic problems or Andra Ramadhan and his awesome new band? hehe.

Hatta is leaving for Bali on wednesday. for 10 bloody days. woi! mana aci! Habis siapa nak teman aku tengok TV malam2? Anyway, i think i want to ask him to seludup Angga masuk so that he can be my slave kat rumah.

Dah bosan sangat la ni. 75% of the staff (i think so, my maths is bad) is on leave. so technically, my kerja pun tak jalan. But i managed to finish a speech within an hour. speech bahasa melayu! damn i'm getting at this. either that or my cut-and-paste skills are getting better. and i forgot to eat breakfast too! excellent progress (because nasi lemak is evil and pihak kerajaan harus memantau gelaja makan nasi lemak for breakfast ini). semalam cuba crash diet tapi by the time nak masuk petang, kepala aku sudah mula pening2. lagipun i only managed to get 2 hours of sleep the night before. so had to call Girl dan seperti biasalah, lepak di Suzy's Corner. Entah apsal kami suka sangat lepak di sini. But the lamb chop and roti john istimewa there mmg sedap. termasuk mashed potato layered with melting cheese. oh yum! there goes my diet.
i'm semi-miserable today. it will all end soon.

Been listening to Imran Ajmain. Best-best.

Sayang, yang sudah tu sudah,
Nangis tidak berlagu, lagi...
Sayang, yang sudah tu sudah,
Bunga tiada bermadu, lagi..

i let myself fall...

i let myself fall...
Originally uploaded by natinski.

Cik Nate single lagi (sbb tu tak datang poetry reading semalam - tengah sibuk retail theraphy aaand jumpa Shah lagi). Oh well. Kepala tengah pening sikit ini hari. I did the stupidest thing last night. Aish, tak serik-serik! Takpelah, nanti Cik Nate tanggung sendiri.

"Sekebun cinta yang berbunga!!!"

Yes. Kat rumah ni. Baru habis nonton Sembilu Kasih [because wtf there is nothing to watch on a friday and i miss my mom]. I keep asking ppl the same question: "ada ke pasangan kekasih atau suami-isteri yang membahasakan diri mereka kau-aku in their relationship?"
Most likely not. Tapi kalau i ada jumpa pasangan macam ni i'm gonna say to them : "WOW you allz cakap macam Sembilu Kasih!!!"

Semalam aku nampak ex-bf aku on tv (the one yang berjaya buat hati aku remuk dan bergantung pada valium untuk beberapa bulan). Jantung aku terhenti seketika. I cried the entire night. I couldnt help myself. Aku tahu aku dah move on but i just couldnt help myself. I’m sorry.

Shah has been calling me often (huarggh kiyoot-nya dia). Lebih kerap dari si bf yang begitu sibuk dengan kerja sehingga tiada masa untuk aku. I hate HATE feeling neglected like this. I should keep myself occupied. Not with Shah, no. I’m not even sure if i like him pun. Aergh, lelaki mmg buat kepala aku berserabut!

Eh, DJ Cza on tv. Oh kiyoot nya dia.

rasa ralat / off tangent sedikit pada hari ini:

1. ceo mood baik. dia pakai tali leher azimat dia. hari ini kan hari rabu. dia kata air suam yang aku sediakan untuk dia rasa seperti dibeli di hotel hilton. dia emang sarkastik begitu tetapi hari ini dia senyum. mood baik mood baik.
2. untuk perkataan 'fee', kami tidak lagi menggunakan terjemahan 'caj' sebaliknya 'fi'. Fi !!! Jangan buat aku benci pada bahasa sendiri.
3. 2 more colleagues of mine dah tender. kebosanan bekerja bakal dirasai.
4. the death of ivan ilyich by leo tolstoy is a really good book. buat aku terfikir tentang mati. well, hari2 pun fikir tentang ini especially apabila manusia-manusia yang pakai kereta bikin mula memotong / mencucuk kereta aku dan cara pemanduan aku yang berhemah ini. hee hee.
5. esok cuti. nak buat apa eh?

In my email today:

Assalamualaikum & Hi

TV9 is 1 year old! You are invited to “Kenduri Setahun TV9”. The details are as follows:

Date : 3rd May 2007

Time : 4:30 – 6:30pm

Venue : Saloma Bistro, KL

Dress Code : Traditional / Formal

Hmm menarik ni. Rasa-rasa Mohd Pierre Andre datang tak?

Semalam me and the girls went to see our friends from Jakarta play at a local club. Tempat yang dipenuhi dengan manusia pelbagai bangsa dan saiz perut itu sudah hampir 2 tahun tidak dikunjungi. I was feeling a bit tired but sbb dah lama x jumpa Michael we headed to the club anyway. Michael dan band-nya masih seperti dulu, great showmanship, excellent tunes dan dalam masa 4 jam aku berjaya menepis lelaki-lelaki keji yang memandang wanita seperti sekeping steak Victoria Station yang lazat. I’m just there to enjoy the music. Besides, a no means no la kan. Jangan la nak merayap tangan tu.

Tapi...

Before the night ends, i met someone new. Dia kiyooot sangat. Shah namanya. English pun bagus (badabing!). Senyuman sejuta miliyar. Lepas tu dia minta aku teka umur dia. Disebabkan Cik Nate selalu sangat berkenalan dengan anak-anak ikan yang bawah umur, i said “23”.

“I look THAT young? I’m 28”.

Saat tu, tiba2 kepala Cik Nate berdengung dengan “HALLELUJAH!” dan rasa seperti ada sinar bercahaya di hujung terowong yang gelap. Masih ada single men yang umur sudah cukup baik untuk berumahtangga!

He took my number and promised to keep in touch. Seperti biasa aku tak ambik number dia (hantuk kepala) kerana i dont believe in hooking up with guys that i meet in clubs. Maaf, mereka terlalu keji buat aku (walaupun i’ve heard happy ending stories about people meeting their soulmate di disko – including my boss!). Fine, pernah lah aku buat sekali. Tapi itu Sheridan. He was a pilot and lives in Perth anyway so a little fling wouldnt hurt. Anyway, kenapa mereka keji? Because if they can hook up with me, surely setiap kali mereka pergi club they can hook up with other girls too. Ini insecurity aku berkata-kata. I want a real relationship, and this is just not the place to be looking for my perfect man. Besides, let me tell you a secret la, lelaki2 hensem ni? Most of them mmg nampak kiyoot di bawah lampu disko, ha cubalah meet up with them during the day. Takde la hensem sangat pun... La la la.

On our way home, my friend Nanie tanya aku, “Immy, macamana you mengurat orang eh? Cute la mamat tu”
“hoh?” Aku tak pandai jawab soalan ini. Tapi modus operandi aku simple. Bila aku dah nampak orang yang aku suka, just pandang dia la. Senyum. Body language is important, tapi jgn nampak slutty. If you can dance, itu your bonus point. Then just let it be. Kalau ada letupan kimia antara you dengan dia, then the rest is history. Kalau takde, just enjoy the night. Tak mati lah kalau tak dapat lelaki yang you nak. ;)

Keesokan harinya,

Aku dah tak ingat muka Shah.

HaHA that is SO me. Aku tahu dia kiyoot. Macam anak Yusof Haslam. No wait, i think Shah lagi kiyoot lah. Memeluk Shah umpama memeluk sebatang tiang yang dibaluti bantal empuk yang wangi. Dalam erti kata lain, dia tinggi, body best dan smells nice. WAKAKA.

Sekian cerita saya untuk hujung minggu ini yang tiada unsur2 moralistik langsung. Rasa bebas bila tidak berada di club yang sama dengan boyfriend aku yg berumur 23 tahun itu. Soalan biasa dia bila we are apart: Ada minum / hisap weed / mengorat jantan lain? Di mana jawapan aku will be the eternal firm NO. He must not know. Aku tak sanggup kantoi lagi. Kalau tak pasti ada tong sampah yang tak bersalah akan melayang lagi...

p/s: Shah did call. Dia nak jumpa aku lagi. Ohh temptation! I said no, not today, maybe we’ll meet at the same club next weekend. Pleaselah, aku belum bersedia untuk main kayu tiga. Tolonglah percaya! ;)

Well, you know, just in case. ;)

p/s: Aku rindu kat anak buah aku.

Fair Play please!

Fair Play please!
Originally uploaded by natinski.

I think sometimes the weather gets to me. I miss things / person that i can no longer have. Sejak dua menjak ni merindui Kota Bharu. Fine, the weather is as bad as Dante's Inferno but I miss KB. Food is always on top of my list but would it be crazy to admit that i still miss my dad terribly. I miss him macam he's still alive, as if i can just call him to tell him that i'm coming home so that we can go to PCB just to sit by the beach, atau entah pergi ke mana entah for fishing. Or sometimes just drive around the towns in Kelantan without a purpose.

Rasanya entri ini terlalu personal pulak. But i miss him dammit.

"Apsal muka ketat je ni"

Favorite sentence at the moment. Whatever that means. But i get that everyday this week.

"Masih pending la Cik Natasya", kata si wanita HR yang mungkin sudah muak mendengar suaraku.

Saat-saat begini rasa seperti mahu berhenti kerja serta-merta dan tinggal di rumah sahaja.

You know, bulan lepas my face keluar majalah. keluaran bulan Mac. majalah fesyen. didnt tell anybody about it except my close friends and siblings and my ex boss. in fact my ex boss lah orang pertama who bought the magazine! ingatkan dia dah lupa. isk malu.

few weeks back, masa nak masuk the usual club that i normally frequent on saturdays, si liz penjaga club tegur aku. we dont normally talk because she just know me as the 'awek si DJ'. anyway,

liz to everyone: ok masuk masuk // you're on the list // tengok IC bla bla bla
liz to me : awak Immy Natasya nanti kejap! takleh masuk
me : uik? (sejak bila dia tahu nama penuh aku niiiiiii)
liz : awak keluar majalah ehhhhhhhhh. cantik.
me : itu bukan sayaaaaaaaaaaa! *lari masuk*

Malu. Tak suka sangat bila ppl found out.

Plus, ada akak sorang kat opis pun terperasan jugak. Dia hantar emel:

"hari ahad tu kita gi saloon rambut...kita baca majalah [insert nama majalah] bulan ni..kita nampak wajah awak la..."
alamaaaaaaaaaaaak!!!
"ehehe...kita x kisah pun...sekali tgk x perasaan ...belek lagi skali tgk mcm kenal je pompuan ni...bila baca nama dah sah ni bdk **** [nama syarikat] jngan Haji *** ******* [nama big boss alim] baca sudah la...tapi kita rasa tuan haji x baca majalah cam tu...kata dia x berkat nnti company...

adehhh pedas jugak emel akak ni. tak berkat nanti company? ntah apa2 ntah. gambar tu bukan seksi pun!?!

Actually this post is supposed to be longer tapi kepala rasa berat sangat ni. Makan ubat flu. Doktor cakap ubat ni tak mengantuk. Doktor tipu!