I summon you my wizard of speech writing!

(I wanna shoot the whole day down down down)

Perhaps I should have a separate blog for my boobs.

\o/

 

Anyway, my kakak cleaner at the office ada tanya: "Banyak ke susu?". Maklumlah, sejak kembali bekerja, akak cleaner tu tak boleh tidur di store lagi, because I need to use it every four hours. So I replied, "tak banyak kak, memang tak cukup untuk anak".

 

Then akak itu terus buka cerita tentang betapa banyak susu-nya sehingga dalam masa sejam boleh penuh satu botol / anak2nya fully breastfeed sehingga umur 4 tahun / sampai melimpah ruah / sampai terpaksa buang susu … and to add the cherry on top, cerita tentang bagaimana anak2nya selalu tak cukup nafas apabila di-breastfeed sebab susu banyak sangat keluar.

 

And I just stood there, staring at her boob, mentally screaming "HAND OVER YOUR BOOBS OR ELSE!"

 

She looked at my boobs and sempat buat remark tu: "Adik punya kecik, macamana susu nak ada banyak"

 

Haih, menghina boobs aku pulak. Nak je aku sound balik akak tu, "at least I'm hotter than you!"

 

Pffthhhh.

Hari ini hari apa? Hari ini hari untuk dodge phonecalls dari ejen-ejen insurans that i met up with last week. I pretty much dah pilih which plan I want, but i’m not very good at telling people bad news. Sorry i tak nak beli insurance you, sebab you smell funny. Insurans you tak best, and your English is broken. Haha. It’s like trying to break up with someone. Susah untuk mengeluarkan kata-kata yang akan meng-let-down-kan orang.
Malas nak angkat their calls today. Maybe tomorrow. I’ll send each one of them a polite SMS – thanks but no thanks.

Visited my newphew at Wad Hematologi semalam. Dah lama tak menjenguk Wad 7B itu. Penghuninya silih berganti and setiap langkah aku diselangkan dengan doa agar mereka semua sembuh dari kanser. Ketika aku dalam pantang, Danial’s good friend, Wan, meninggal dunia. He was 17. Hilang sudah seri Wad 7B kerana dia lah yang paling aktif di situ. Kalau Danial lebih gemar baring di atas katil kerana tidak bermaya selepas chemo, Wan lebih suka menggagahkan diri, berjalan-jalan dari satu katil ke satu katil, menghiburkan pesakit-pesakit lain. Seolah-olah sakit yang ditanggungnya hanyalah luka kecil. Before he passed away, dia cuma ada satu permintaan – dia mahu baring di riba ayahnya and ahhhh, this is getting too emotional for me. Anyway, Danial is still fighting on. He’s lost 2 friends since early this year, but I have faith he will get through this.

Will continue later. I miss my kid! Hari2 pun rindu tapi hari ini extra sikit. Mungkin sebab rasa bersalah sebab semalam ibu-nya tidur dengan lena sekali sampai terhempap tangan baby. Hish nasib baik dia okay.

So lately I’ve been frequenting breastfeeding forums, you know, to get tips, to learn, to waste time bla bla bla.

Soalan, what are men doing in breastfeeding forums?! Rasa agak janggal apabila sang suami yang bertanya2 soalan (on behalf of the wife katanya) or memberi komen tentang hal2 penyusuan badan. So F weird, man.

Ask me about my first day back to work yesterday.

Why thank you for asking!

It was okay. Spent half of the day reading office emails (delete / archive / delete some more) then had departmental lunch kat Santini’s, Tropicana City. Aku suka makan di sini, the food is decent with affordable price. Then after lunch aku telah di-update on work and projects *shoots self in the head* dan in between had to run to the store to uhm, you know, express milk.

 

Ask me if I miss my son.

Uergh, like crazy! I didn’t even look at my phone for half the day (sbb ada gambar dia) and then by 3 I get to talk to him – his gurgles sound like poetry to me – and by the time I got home at 730 (was stuck in the jam for an hour and a half) he gave this longing look. That killer look yang membuat aku mati separuh badan dan mahu berhenti kerja dan terus mahu menjadi housewife etcetera etcetera.

 

Such is life.

 

Superwomen

I'm in a nursing room di sebuah pusat membeli-belah (recession tidak wujud di sini!). Bilik ini penuh - well mothers and their babies with poop and nursing needs come and go

and I'm thinking

man, I'm in a room with superwomen.

Counting blue cars

Counting blue cars
Originally uploaded by natinski

"Please don't be a mommy blogger", pesan si ayah.

"Campak je smartphone tu dalam sungai kalau tak reti/malas nak update". Itu pula kata kawan-kawan.

Pffth I don't even have time to comb my hair let alone update this space. OK I am exaggerating. But seriously, in between juggling motherhood | post-natal depression (well kind of) | anak masuk hospital | living away from family | the nightmare of berpantang | konflik menjaga baby secara tradisional vs. modern | no more coffee | milk kurang | stitches tak heal | etcetera etcetera

rasanya sekarang baru dapat bernafas sedikit.

Honestly, I don't know how mothers can spend time blogging about their life and their bundle of joy. I do spend a lot of time online tapi sekadar membaca (esp mommies' blogs lah hur hur) and watch the world go by through my little BB screen.

Idris Rumi will turn 2 months next week. Everyday I mentally pinch myself - OMG I HAVE A SON - dan sentiasa bersyukur kepada-Nya for this awesome gift (and for giving me a super-patient husband huzzah!).

Even GDP has contractions tau.

Me? Not even close.

So when I went to see my super laidback doctor yesterday, dia minta kami decide bila mahu induce. Hoh? Kena pilih tarikh? Can’t I wait a little bit longer?

Last date to choose was 13th May. Being the superstitious person that I am, no number 13 for me nosirree.

10th May boleh tak doctor? It’s Mother’s Day anyway.
Tak boleh. Hospital tak buat induction on Sundays.

Pulok dok. Last2 I chose Monday. Anything will do, janji selamat.

I lied babe. Semalam aku sangat stress! But few hours after that, I was more calm. Look, kalau baby Yakuza lambat keluar, it’s ok. It’s ok. Heartbeat-nya masih normal. Tendangan ragbi-nya masih juga normal. Besides, at least I get to do some stuff that belum lagi disiapkan:

1. Nak makan apam balik crunchy Ampang Point! Masih tak dapat lagi. Sudah 2x kali I went there, apam balik tak buka. Termasuk semalam. Hancur luluh hati ini. Ada ke pakcik apam balik tu ambik cuti semalam! Of all days!! Tidak kah dia menyedari kehadiran-nya dalam orbit ini is very important to some ppl! But fret not, insyaAllah dia buka hari ni. After that, maka akan bersalinlah saya (huhu wishful thinking).
2. Spend more time with Mom.
3. Kemas rumah
4. Layan Wonderpets versi Melayu setiap hari! “Apa yang penting, kerjaaaaaasamaaaaa!”. I am amazed to see that sebenarnya Wonderpets banyak peminatnya. Yay!
5. I need a pedicure.

Hmm that’s all I can think of right now. Please doa supaya baby keluar minggu ni juga dengan selamat. Thanks.

/n.

p/s: Many thanks to my daughter (in past life) Liy for the gorgeous new layout. :)

Dan ohhh! Tahniah kepada En. Akmal & wife yang dikurniakan baby girl semalam. Wife dia bersalin awal. (aaaaaaahhhh stress stress).

i put a flower in your hair

i put a flower in your hair
Originally uploaded by natinski

If he was my schoolmate, mungkin he's that kid yang aku selalu buli atau tertawakan. Suaranya sengau, dan selalu menyanyikan lagu yang terlalu 'tangkap leleh'.

Tapi semalam I voted for him, because he proved that he deserve to win. Bak kata orang, from zero to hero.

Tahniah Tomok!
(kih kih)

Tapi saya tak awesome. Semalam, setelah sekian lama putting up a brave face, saya telah mengalami nervous breakdown. Saya takut nak beranak. Tiap kali perut rasa sakit, saya senyum sedangkan di dalam-dalam (deep inside?), keberanian saya untuk melahirkan anak hancur into million little pieces. Every single time.

Semalam saya minum Coke yang sangat sejuk.
Bila perut meragam, saya stress.
Bila saya stress, baby pun stress.
Bila baby stress, suami saya lagi stress.

Saya bukan superwoman yang awesome. Saya belum sampai ke tahap itu lagi. Mungkin esok, mungkin lusa. Mungkin 13 April, bila doktor buat keputusan untuk induce saya.

On a lighter note (nota ringan):

1. Saya memang tak suka hantu pocong. An SMS from my friend Gnomey semalam:
Nate! Hope keliwon tnite wnt speed ur pemberanakkan! Muahahaha
(very funny)

2. Di twitter, saya sudah menubuhkan skuad apam balik. Er, so far ada dua kadet sahaja. Please tweet me jika anda berjaya mencari apam balik crunchy sedap seperti yang di Ampang Point. I went there last week, but couldn't find the stall no more.

3. I am finally reunited with my old friend Kudux (pemain drum berbakat Malaya) via BB Messenger! Rasanya kami kenal since Form 3. Also, my best friend masa Form 1 came over to visit me yesterday. Hurrah for old friends!

That is all for now folks. Mahu baca buku, makan vitamin dan layan lagu Pesawat.

DeJaVoo

Oh no not again. Feeling kinda sick today, same feeling I had sebelum mendapat horrible contractions at Jusco last Saturday. Ironinya kerana tengahari nanti mungkin akan ke Jusco lagi! Mungkin I should just stay home and sleep, sbb semalam mmg tidak dapat tidur dengan lena.

Except, I'm not really at home. I'm at my sister's house since yesterday. Tunggu R balik dari Highlands petang ini. I'm so tired. I'll update again later.

Nitrus - Cinta

Lagu paling best dalam orbit cinta aku buat masa sekarang. Long live Nitrus!

I hate scene office drama Melayu and its stupid ABBA files. Bila ada scene pejabat sahaja, mesti ada berpuluh-puluh ABBA files. It's like the director has the same mindset, ooh ooh the more ABBA files on the table, the better! Baru nampak busy, korporat, realistik. Macam haram. I wonder di mana these people mendapat ide sebegini. Pejabat kerajaan kah? I don't know. I only have ABBA files on my table when I do my filing. Buat semak je letak banyak-banyak atas meja. I think that's why we have a SECRETARY? To keep the fucking ABBA files out of our sight! It's as bad as watching drama Melayu - scene di restoran - order air fresh orange. But that one is so 80-an already, you hardly see people order fresh orange on TV anymore. Sudah pupus scene sebegitu sebab sudah tak cool.

Anyway, saya minta maaf to my twitter friends for the false labor drama over the weekend. Tapi serious, gua memang rasa macam dah nak beranak masa tu ok! Next time live updates will come from the labor room itself okay, not when aku menahan kesakitan di Jaya Jusco or whatever.

I'll be 38 weeks pregnant on Thursday. Aku sudah bersedia melepaskan tanggungjawab kerja dan tumpukan perhatian kepada rumahtangga & motherhood. I suppose nobody will ever understand about my blind devotion towards work. So let's have it everybody's way, right this minute, aku sudah tidak mahu kerja for the next 2 months.

Hmmm...

Okay, okay, after esok okay, sebab saya nak brief colleagues saya tentang hal2 kerja that they have to take over. Thank you.

Peace out.

Friday madness

I hate Fridays. They're like Mondays, only meaner.

Kesian lil' Yakuza, tidak sempat berenang dengan ria hari ini. I was multi-tasking - mana nak layan ad agency, nak betulkan grammar orang, nak beat deadline sendiri, etc.

Sorry baby. Mari kita layan Paris Hilton's My New BFF okay. Like, this is the best reality show eva!

Note to self: Fix the damn blogger time stamp.

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

I am still alive! Dalam huru-hara nak meet 20th April deadline (deadline kerja, bukan deadline beranak) aku terpaksa mengalah dan minta MC. Flu, demam, lemah badan segala (tapi kerja tetap berjalan dari rumah - talk about komitmen!). Doktor mahu beri 2 days MC but I said no thanks doc, I banyak kerja kat office. *slaps head*

Check-up went ok. Baby sudah engaged (er I suppose itu maknanya possibility untuk bersalin awal sudah ada). Mak tak rela! Ada few things tak sort out lagi (like the hospital bags, documentations, mental preparation, etc).

Esok I will be 37 weeks. Ya Allah, kuatkan semangatku!

Mode: Tired [glad that Friday is finally here]

Mode: Tired [glad that Friday is finally here]
Originally uploaded by natinski

"So are you gonna do an Erra Fazira*?," asked my sister and colleagues.

Hell yeah baby. ;p

* Pihak media terpaksa bersabar selama 44 hari sebelum dapat merakamkan foto baby Erra.

"Jangan salahkan I, I tak minta dilahirkan seksi sebegini" - Kak V, Breakfast @ Suria.

Rancangan radio with no moral values whatsoever but I love it!

Selamat Hari Friday Bagus.

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

This morning my doctor said the baby is already semi-engaged. Meaning that Lil Yakuza is halfway there, sebelum dia 'menjenguk' keluar. Sounds like a battle cry from Star Wars to me! Eh wait, Star Wars ada battle cry ke? Doctor also said "See you in a week, if you tak bersalin lagi that is". Isk ngeri.

See you in a week means I have to work another week. Gahhhhhhhh.

OK lah nak makan kejap. I am at 36 weeks minggu ini.

Short rebiu of tongkeng ayam (TA) istimewa oleh Ayamas. Hmm sangat sedap!

If there's one thing that I kempunan ketika mengandung is only TA or nama glam-nya: Bishop's Nose. Itupun ketika 1st trimester. Or perhaps karena I'm absent-minded - one day I may be craving masak lemak ikan patin yang dijual di hadapan Istana Biru di Kota Bharu, the next day I might be craving ravioli di Pizza Uno pula. I forget about my cravings easily, just like I how I easily forget nondescript human beings yang aku jumpa hanya sekali.

Kenangan kempunan TA agak melucukan, because I wanted fresh ones so that I can goreng TA myself, instead of beli di pasar malam sahaja (yg selalunya bersalut madu eeee yuck). Not many supermarkets sell them, not even Ayamas anymore (they used to sell them by trays ok). When I was still in school, me & my mom bought TA kat Ayamas Bangsar. Ada mak datin sorang ni bought TA for her cats, sedangkan kami membelinya untuk sajian makanan tengahari! Fast forward a decade later, bila aku tanya kedai Ayamas near my house samada mereka menjual TA atau tidak - the girl laughed at my face as if I'm some nutcase gila nak makan bontot ayam (oh wait, I am that nutcase).

Last2 jumpa di Jusco AA akhirnya, walaupun ketika itu I pretty much gave up my quest for TA.

Ayamas probably heard my prayers. I wonder when are they gonna come up with kaki ayam bersalut istimewa next (er, don't).

Look what I found! *flails*
Dream come true, TONGKENG AYAM BERSALUT ISTIMEWA.
Terima kasih Ayamas! Nanti apabila anak saya bercakap tanpa henti I have you to thank! :D