Rasa macam nak muntah dah pergi hair salon. I can't seem to be satisfied with my new hairstyle -- no idea why, perhaps now that I'm getting older, my hair texture has changed as well (tapi perangai masih di takuk lama yes?). Fed-up. I want to look good when I go back to work, since I can't impress my colleagues with my weight. Why is it that when someone comes back from maternity leave, people will be expecting that person to lose weight? Come on. Shallow sungguh. When I had my first baby, my excuse for not losing weight was that I am preparing for second baby, buat penat je kalau lose weight sebab nanti akan naik balik. Bollocks. But it kept everyone quiet. But now I have no excuse at all. I JUST LIKE BEING FAT ALRIGHT?!! Yeah. Emo pulak saya.



I'm not really looking forward to go back to work. I miss my colleagues, but I think the dynamics of the department have changed. Not sure how much of this is true, I'm gonna have to check it out myself. 3 of my favorite people that I work with (from our ad agency and HQ) have quit too so I foresee there will be some problems ahead. Tak tahulah. A job is a job is a job. I'm comfortable here. Not sure if other people feel the same though.

Enough about work.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could sleep and hug my boys at the same tight. Peluk mereka kuat-kuat. I want them to know I love them tremendously.

It's been a crazy 3 months and on the 20th I go back to work. Funny, last year I couldn't imagine myself having two kids, now I can't imagine NOT having two kids. Both boys are so different from one another and everyday I am experiencing new things. Rumi, the feral child; Emre, the giver of smiles. Motherhood has taught me to learn not to lose my cool easily, but it has also taught me to reciprocate -- the children comes first, while my needs can come later, or never. Not that it's a bad thing.

In a nutshell, motherhood is a Pyrrhic victory for me against many of my insecurities and flaws -- everyday I can only pray that my little family will continue to be blessed with so much love and happiness.

Now if only I could lose few more pounds...