Can't sleep again last night. I sat up straight, stared at the wall (a picture of my husband at age 8 in a framed newspaper clipping hangs neatly on our temporary bedroom) and my mind was blank. Most nights the neurons in my brain conjures a tiny memory of Danial in my sleep and I will wake up, not wanting for it to continue further, and I'm not ready to continue sleeping either. Normal kah ini?

 

I normally go back to sleep an hour or 2 later, when my eyelids are just too tired to keep up with my stubborrness.

 

Anyway, I'm off to co-emcee the Company's open house event this evening. Kena berbahasa Inggeris. Rasa janggal pula nak kena cakap English at a Melayu-esque event. Blek.

Our Danial

Pada tanggal 1 Syawal yang lalu kami telah memulangkan our 17-year old nephew Syafiq Danial kepada Yang Maha Esa. Berakhir sudah deritanya, dan bermulalah hidup kami tanpa Danial who brought so much joy to our lives.

 

I didn't want to post this entry because I don't think I have the strength to do it. But I wanted to share with everyone my first photo with him, a picture that one of my nieces found in my grandmother's house after we buried him. Terubat sedikit remuk di hati ini. I miss him so much, and my family and some friends would understand why I am most affected by this. He was like a son to me.

 

I haven't been able to grief properly – which I think is a good thing, otherwise by now I would have lost my mind. But sometimes I allow myself some moment of weakness – a good cry while driving home from work or a random call to any friend who is unlucky enough to hear my silent cry on the phone. I just needed to cry.

 

Sorry, wish I can write a longer post. Terlalu rindu pada Danial, but he's in a better place now and we all need to move on and live through our wonderful memories with him. Al-Fatihah.

Our Julie

Anak dara* saya, who is due on my birthday next year.

 

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri everyone.

 

* Of course I'm not sure if it's gonna be a girl or not, but I am conspiring with the Universe to grant me a baby girl. :)