Hello.

Walaupun mengamalkan ajaran The Secret (Ask. Believe. Receive. Gratitude. Visualization) but ini sebenarnya kuasa Allah yang Maha Esa semata-mata dan maha mendengar doa (dan rintihan hamba-Nya).

I am 12 weeks pregnant. (addendum: woops, my bad, i'm 13 weeks preggers, man, I can't count)

In other words, aku sudah berjaya melepasi zon trimester (tanpa muntah2, Alhamdulillah) dan bolehlah untuk bercerita pada semua orang – yes, i’m pregnant! Yeahoo! (cuma R yang tak sabar memberitahu dunia-nya terlebih awal dengan memberitahu universe Twitter-nya – tapi berjaya di-delete dengan bantuan Cik Li before anyone sees it dan blog-nya sudah ada unsur-unsur ke-bapa-an). Too soon perhaps? We’ve been married for 4 months, inai masih di jari, masih lagi mencari kesesuaian/keserasian hidup bersama but rezeki adalah rezeki. Mungkin buat masa sekarang aku terpaksa letak di tepi dahulu borang permohonan biasiswa Chevening atau resume yang perlu dihantar ke World Bank (yes, there is an opening based in DC) atau Wii Fit yang sudah lama menjadi idaman itu but for now i need to concentrate on this miracle that is growing in my belly.

Everyday I am engulfed by fear – what if our baby grows up to be someone yang rude dan tidak mendengar kata, what if dia tidak pandai mempertahankan dirinya apabila dibuli rakan sekolah/majikan, what if dia tidak sihat, what if dia tak minat music & poetry & bad drama Melayu yang telah menyatukan ibu bapanya? Terlalu banyak ‘what ifs’ dibandingkan dengan ‘Alhamdulillah jika...”. Berat rasanya beban untuk sentiasa berfikiran positif but insyaAllah I will do my best.

To my friends who have not seen me since forever, aku minta maaf. Tiap kali aku tengok cermin rasa macam mahu di-spray paint sahaja cermin itu. Aku “serabai segala” these days! I know we will meet soon, when i feel good enough about myself. And don’t get me started on how stubborn and annoying i’ve been these days. ;)

So yeah, business as usual at this ranting space. This will not be a “my journey throughout pregnancy” blog i promise (sorry Li!).

Ada ulang tayang Lima on Astro Ria jika mahu nonton.

(oh Abang Laywer Handsome!)

Not sure I'm loving the new Dewa 19 track.

Rasanya mood Raya sudah tiada, it’s back to the usual grind at the office. Lagipun membaca Wall Street Journal dan The Edge Singapore semakin menggigit jari mengalahkan bacaan fiksyen. Aku sudah tak larat nak keep up with the market news (because I keep having to change the information in my write-ups or press releases), but nak tak nak terpaksa baca juga sambil gigit knuckles pula, memikirkan kemungkinan besar bonus tahun depan akan susut jika keadaan ekonomi terus terkapai-kapai kelemasan sebegini. Please do not mention "free-falling" in front of me! Oh well, I suppose rezeki ada di mana-mana, and it doesn’t have to come in the form of money.

Few things to share during the recent balik kampung trip :

1. Pilot MAS cakap dialek Kelantan on board. A nice change.
2. Opposite Istana Batu, there is a cultural village of some sort and also a restaurant that sells nasi ulam. Discovered lauk ikan patin asam pedas meets masak lemak, but with a Kelantan twist, because it was slightly sweet. Tapi sedap!
3. Ketika aku sedang menyidai baju di bawah rumah nenek, my youngest niece si Ayn was running around scaring everyone with a ‘tali’ and she was going “Eeeee, ular, ular”. Of course la I completely brushed her off. Then my other niece took a closer look and alamak, she’s playing with kulit ular! Apa lagi, lintang-pukang lah Cik Nate lari naik atas rumah hehe.
4. My youngest brother is so hopelessly in love. Checking his jiwang SMS-es made me wanna to vomit (sorry I have to play the over-protective sister here, awek gila dia tu asyik suruh dia jadi supir je). Bonus points if i get to understand the bahasa SMS though. Yuck.
5. Akibat kebosanan, my eldest nephew sudah buat music video shuffle-nya dengan bantuan Husband sebagai jurukamera. Will upload it on youtube jikalau connection is good. Which I doubt I’ll do it.
6. Fairul Nizam telah menjadi pelanggan feveret akak yang jual nasi dagang. Read here: Perihal Nasi Dagang..

Okay lah. Back to doing laundry. Nerissa jemput makan tengahari di rumahnya today. Dia beri jaminan sambal belacan uncle-nya pasti meletup. I hope she's right. :)

only in Kota Bharu

this is a happy public toilet
Originally uploaded by natinski

Tahun ini rasanya Raya paling best. :)

Semalam we went to Wisma PKNS at ShahAlam to buy baju kurung Raya. I think it’s my first real baju Raya since my father died.

We will be in Selangor on the first day of Raya and off to good ol’ Kelate until next Monday. I’ll only be on Twitter for now.

Selamat Hari Raya, and Maaf Zahir & Batin peeps!