Nate

Actually the process was quite simple. I was just supposed to prick my mom’s finger, tap her blood on the sugar level device and it will tell us samada sugar level Mama tinggi atau tidak.

But I just couldn’t do it. Aku tak sanggup tengok setitik darah pun keluar dari badan Mama. Then I started crying. I couldn’t even get the damn thing to work so I gave up. That was last night.

This morning, my eldest sister ajar aku macam mana nak inject insulin pula. Normally my sisters would do it, and I have been able to avoid the task like a plague for the past 4 weeks. Aku tak sanggup. Tapi kerana tidak mahu menghampakan my family, aku cuba juga. Masa baru nak sukat insulin, aku sudah mula resah. My 2nd niece – si Anis – made a remark to her mother “Makcik macam nak nangis je, Umi?” Apabila jarum kecil itu sudah sedia dengan insulin-nya, my hand started shaking and sekali lagi I started crying, uncontrollably. Tapi my family pujuk juga and in the end, I managed to do it.

It was the longest 10 seconds of my life.

2 nervouse breakdowns. Kalau macam ni lah keadaan aku tiap kali I have to inject insulin, isk, kang tak pasal2 aku pulak yang masuk hospital kang.

I’m sorry Mama, you know how much I love you. Please don’t be disappointed in me. I just need more time and strength to do this.