surgery and mama's birthday

I don't know what's the opposite of craniectomy but Aiman had his surgery today to put back a part of his skull today. I was not expecting we would get a date this soon and I guess I got used to seeing with his head sunken in by now. I was informed his surgery went well and now we brace for the second wave of his recovery. Or maybe catastrophe -- I don't know. Traumatic brain injury is a terrible thing, one moment you would think things are getting better. Then you wake up the next day you realise that this is nowhere near to recovery.

I am mentally and financially drained tbh but these days I am reminded by the people around me to not overthink, to let go and to let God. I've somewhat managed to control my anxiety through writing and photography (I've started film photography and it is so fun-- too bad we can't go out that much). Thai variety shows helps. Calling friends helps. Not giving a fuck helps. Writing with a fountain pen helps. Trying to be a better mother/spouse helps. On weekdays I have daily con call with an ex-colleague-turns-good-friend on Skype who happens to be working under the same bank. 

But enough about me. 

The thing is, I am never getting my old baby brother back.

So what's next? I honestly don't know.