Sementara I tunggu masa nak balik, I might as well update this space.

I'm okay. Really, I am.

Cuma, bila berada di traffic light di hadapan Plaza OUG, mulalah gelisah. My grip on the steering wheel gets tighter, kejap2 tengok cermin, mata pun mulalah berair sambil wishing that the red light will turn green as soon as possible.

 

I hate being a victim. I hate travelling to work thinking that I'll be safe anymore. I sleep okay at night, but my drive to-and-fro work kini sudah menjadi a living nightmare.

 

Tak apalah. Just a few months lagi. Then I beranak, and duduk diam2 di rumah for 90 days.

 

Saat2 begini I'm grateful to have friends yang sudi menghulurkan bantuan. Friendship work both ways, bukan one-sided. Tak semestinya bila kita dalam kesusahan je baru kedengaran suara yes?

 

Dah, malas melalut. Esok sudah boleh tidur di tempat baru. Syukur, we can finally live like a normal family, and tak payah jadi nomad dah. Yay!

Oh where do I even begin. Lepas seksa siapkan annual December office project, we finally took a day off to move house. That was on Monday.

It felt really good to finally be able to move to a place we can call home. On Tuesday, I was really excited to go to work. My workload has lessened by half, we moved house and my kid was showing sign of recovery - he's been sick on and off.

Haengbok (happiness) shortlived. Ketika di traffic light plaza oug di old klang road, I made the wrong move of taking my handbag from passenger's seat floor to fish out my phone. Tak sampai few seconds 2 men on a bike smashed my window and stold my handbag. Coz my hand was on my handbag, I got some minor cuts on my left hand.

Rasa kecewa tidak terkata. I've always been a careful person. Handbag tak pernah letak atas passenger seat but that fateful day... entahlah, dah nasib badan.

sedih
trauma
kesal

rasa seperti tiada identiti. my phones, my (new) camera, wallet with gambar muda arwah Baba all gone. i only had 7 bucks in my wallet at that time but you know the hassle of losing all your identification cards and ATM/credit cards kan?

besar sungguh dugaan mengandung kali ini. but someone said, at least you have a story to tell your baby #2 bila dia besar nanti. that's true. sad, but true.

I still have to pass by the road everysingleworkingday. I cant turn back time, but I cant stop from the memory coming back either. *sigh*

Esok I'm still on MC.

Semoga 2011 will be a better year for me.

this view

Like I don't say this enough, December adalah bulan stress for me. People go for their extended holidays or plan parties in December, while I have to work extra hard pada bulan ini. That's why many little things tend to annoy me easily.

 

Perhaps I should tell my boss that I want to change portfolio next year. Er, maybe not.

 

Anyway, tak sabar nak pindah rumah!

 

p/s: I didn't take this picture, my husband did during his recent trip to Tokyo. I like looking at it because it has a calming effect on me. Perhaps I should move to Tokyo...

boots1

boots1
Originally uploaded by natinski

My kid is out for a haircut (in his boots). I decided not to go so that I can catch up with work (yeah right) and the family demands that his hair should be cut shorter. My heart couldn't take it. Please don't cut my baby's hair!

Mengada sungguh. Bukannya rambut tu tak boleh tumbuh balik. He's not Samson anyway, he'll still be bouncing of the walls kalau berambut pendek. Heheh.

pasta zanmai

Obligatory food post!

Pasta Zanmai at Midvalley. Their potato stuff is good (as pictured) but pasta-japanese-fusion type of thing doesn't really work for me.

The ice-cream crepe sucked (dalam menu je nampak cantik) and they refused my request to change it to chocolate from vanilla.

I didn't even try the green tea puff because i hate green tea and the puff wasn't that soft. Oh well.

 

Gambar lama ni actually. Had dinner there to celebrate an ex-colleague who decided to join company lain dengan alasan environment syarikat baru lebih Islamik. Hmm been there done that, Islamik or not, we are still human. Pasti ada individu and fahaman peribadi / politik syarikat yang begitu jelik untuk ditangani. All I can do is wish him good luck.

 

December is certainly a bad month for me. The Company's yearly award submission is due and my deadline is on the 16th. Satu jack-shit pun tak siap lagi. And of course, the management expects to win! Kalau tak menang, maka kuranglah bonus tahun hadapan. Pressure pressure.

 

Habis submit award on the 16th nanti, I will then look forward to moving to a new place on the 20th. Can't wait.

 

For now I'm just gonna curse silently for my ant trails of bad luck and misunderstandings. I'm sorry I've been an ugly person inside and out. Semoga tahun 1432 will bring better luck and less tears for me. Except masa nak beranak. Azza azza fighting!

SFF

Pergi window-shopping kat SSF pun nak kena ada blog entry ke?

Of course.

It's a wonderful place for you and me to build our dreams.

Make mental notes on what to purchase, simpan dalam kocek.

test shot

I don't know how to use my new camera. Help!

 

*goes back to doing my KPI*

 

[tapi tangan gatal nak test kamera]

2011 reso

It remains blank.

Life would be better if I could get coffee in my system!

This is totally random, because I am falling asleep at work:

 

Me: We're gonna name our baby IMAN ADALAH. You know, like that song "Iman adalah... Mutiaraaaaaa..." HEHE.

Sis: Ha! Ha! You must be joking dear! But I love Iman Rasul! Mcm dlm drama 'Chinta'.

Me: NoooOoOoOo you're not the only one person yang suggest nama tu

Sis: Ha! Ha! *laughrollroll*

 

Sometimes when we're at our weekend home, I hear suara some boys yang sayup-sayup memanggil nama Danial. It's not my imagination - it's just the boys' way of calling Danial to hang out with them but they're too terrified to knock on our door (takut I marah and won't allow Danial to go out and see them). I didn't have the heart to tell them that Danial is gone.

 

Let them call Danial for a while, I miss those voices calling my arwah nephew's name.

He was well loved by everyone.

Since my husband calls me a mini-hoarder, I decided to clear some of my junks last weekend. Saya berjaya buang:

• 5 pair of shoes
• Beg botol yang kalau diberi pada orang lain, orang lain juga tidak sanggup pakai
• Some magazines
• A handbag usang

Er that's about it I think. It's not easy to part with your junk okay! But whether I like it or not I have to start sorting my stuff – we're moving to a new place in December, gotta make sure I have minimum junk as possible. Sapa-sapa berangan nak further studies or study English Literature please email me if you want some ancient notes and bahan rujukan. Oh I also managed to donate a big paperbag of baju kurung. Let's face it, I'm never gonna be thin like I was 10 years ago. Maybe I will, but not in the near future kot.

 

This weekend, I want to clear baju-baju disko! My nieces semua pakai tudung (oops) so I'll probably bring them to the office and see if any of my colleagues want them.

 

OK this entry is dumb. Have a good weekend.

I find it so hard to take pictures of my own kid (which explains why his photos are mostly snapshots of his feet, hair or fingers). Gambar anak2 orang lain okay pulak. Maybe my boy is camera shy? Anyways, it doesn't matter.

Should I blame my camera? Is it time to splurge on a new camera where I'll end up having another love-hate-love relationship with? But recently I learned a valuable lesson from a mummy photog in Australia. She said the best camera that one can have is the one that you have right now. Tak kisahlah kamera itu mahal atau murah. Just make full use of it. Besides, who's to judge whether you are a good photographer or not eh? It's your life, YOU are the photographer of YOUR life. (OK fine, saya suka criticize orang2 yang ambik gambar pakai camera mahal tapi their pictures takde artistic value hehe peace). My point is, rajin-rajin lah pakai camera tu.

I currently don't have a dream camera right now. Mungkin sebab tiada bajet. I'm happy with my point-shoot-cameras: my 2nd hand Lumix cikai and Ixus 80 (both have their own flaws); BB Curve 8900 (I swear I take better pictures with my phone) and my pink Vivitar kamera filem.

Apsal tiba2 bercerita tentang kamera ni? I don't know, maybe because today saya sedar saya sudah malas ambik gambar. I shouldn't. I can't rely on my memory forever.

Can't sleep again last night. I sat up straight, stared at the wall (a picture of my husband at age 8 in a framed newspaper clipping hangs neatly on our temporary bedroom) and my mind was blank. Most nights the neurons in my brain conjures a tiny memory of Danial in my sleep and I will wake up, not wanting for it to continue further, and I'm not ready to continue sleeping either. Normal kah ini?

 

I normally go back to sleep an hour or 2 later, when my eyelids are just too tired to keep up with my stubborrness.

 

Anyway, I'm off to co-emcee the Company's open house event this evening. Kena berbahasa Inggeris. Rasa janggal pula nak kena cakap English at a Melayu-esque event. Blek.

Our Danial

Pada tanggal 1 Syawal yang lalu kami telah memulangkan our 17-year old nephew Syafiq Danial kepada Yang Maha Esa. Berakhir sudah deritanya, dan bermulalah hidup kami tanpa Danial who brought so much joy to our lives.

 

I didn't want to post this entry because I don't think I have the strength to do it. But I wanted to share with everyone my first photo with him, a picture that one of my nieces found in my grandmother's house after we buried him. Terubat sedikit remuk di hati ini. I miss him so much, and my family and some friends would understand why I am most affected by this. He was like a son to me.

 

I haven't been able to grief properly – which I think is a good thing, otherwise by now I would have lost my mind. But sometimes I allow myself some moment of weakness – a good cry while driving home from work or a random call to any friend who is unlucky enough to hear my silent cry on the phone. I just needed to cry.

 

Sorry, wish I can write a longer post. Terlalu rindu pada Danial, but he's in a better place now and we all need to move on and live through our wonderful memories with him. Al-Fatihah.

Our Julie

Anak dara* saya, who is due on my birthday next year.

 

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri everyone.

 

* Of course I'm not sure if it's gonna be a girl or not, but I am conspiring with the Universe to grant me a baby girl. :)

lips don't lie

Okay so since I have signed a "no-show-of-my-kid-Rumi's-face" clause on this blog, I'll just show you his lips je lah. My poor baby. Everytime dia ketap bibir dia, half of me dies because OMG CAN YOU PLEASE NOT DO THAT TO YOUR LIPS OTHERWISE IT WILL NEVER HEAL. Took him to the paed semalam (for a 3^rd opinion – yes opinion seorang doctor klinik dan seorang doctor ER tidak cukup) and doc said no need to worry much, it'll heal. Best thing I've heard so far – IT'LL HEAL.

 

Semalam he was jumping around on the bed and started munching on a pillow and I screamed "Rumi, don't do that and close your mouth!!!" and suddenly he stopped moving and closed his mouth. Oh wow, my kid understands adult language! Terasa seperti epik pass kejap (epik pass = phrase bertentangan dengan epic fail, geddit geddit?).

 

It's fun being a mom. I hope he knows I try very hard to be a good nonsensical mom.

 

no monday blues!

Oh hey it's been awhile. Plenty of stuff to update - but I've been busy (what else is new).

 

Anyway, last Friday I had to work late at midvalley - ada some clients dinner thing. Left midvalley, took the wrong route, ended up in Taman Desa or something, couldn't find Jalan Klang Lama and started bawling my eyes out. Called the husband and a colleague and cried cried cried "I'm l-l-lost, I don't know where I am". I completely panicked. Couldn't breathe, couldn't think straight.

 

Minutes later I went back to the road I took and alas, ada police roadblock. Abang polis sengih sahaja when I said I'm lost and couldn't find OKR (it was only 5 minutes away).Don't know what's wrong with me. I acted like a wuss! Wait, I was a wuss that night. -_-

 

Anyway, my kid fell and cut his lower lip. Ini bukan sebarang cut but it's a deep gash with blood all over type of cut. I think he's okay now, just not sure when his lip will heal completely because the doctor decided not to stitch it (definitely not in time for the Cute Baby contest! heh just kidding).

 

So much drama for 2 days straight. Oh well, it can only make you stronger honey. Another thing that can make me stronger is when people menjaga tepi kain orang dan membuat cerita palsu about you. But that's okay because YOU'RE the one who's going to hell darling, not me.

 

Cheers!

coagulation

I normally hate it when I have to give up my weekend for work or any unplanned activities, but when the company said they are planning to do a CSR project, I couldn't say no. My previous jobs involved doing a lot of charity work and sejak dapat kerja desk job ni, I haven't been able to give back to society at all. So last weekend I took part in something Malaysian – melawat rumah orang tua yyay!

 

It was a tricky thing for me, sebab saya memang tak boleh tengok orang tua (because I'll never get to see my father grow old). I cry easily! And I miss my Queen Mother terribly.

 

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed my day at Rumah Seri Kenangan in Seremban. We danced, we sang, we spoke about life.

One nenek said I will die a bloodied death because I have a tahi lalat on my chest. Thanks Nenek! -_-

Another nenek, the one in green, is a lovely dancer and singer. I think she is blind, but she made me laugh.

The nenek on the purple cadar lamented on her life wasting away at the old folks' home but I told her to think of happy thoughts and butterflies.

At another dorm, I saw a lady sleeping on her side just like my Queen Mother. I left the dorm in a huff, with tears in my eyes.

 

There were no tearful goodbyes or empty promises about seeing each other again from me, because I think these wonderful people at the old folks' home have been living on empty promises for too long already. God bless them all.

 

Hujung minggu ni kita jadi orang Jepun pulak. Bon Odori this weekend yay!

 

* All photos taken with a D50. Lens mak tak ingat lens pakai lens mana. Haha fail. Kindly do not steal.

I really miss my grandmother.