I wonder what the bird was thinking

I wonder what the bird was thinking
Originally uploaded by natinski

Hello little birdie, what do you have in store for me for 2009?

Ever been to a segregated wedding?

It was my first yesterday, di Sabak Bernam. Damn ralat sbb I have to sit with the ladies, dah lah I did't know anyone there! I think majlis kahwin di Kelantan pun takde kena duduk asing2 (I could be wrong). The last time I was told to sit away from the men was ketika di UIA so macam dejavu pulak. Not having to sit with R means kalau I tak habis makan, I won't be able to ask him to finish it! Deng.

Masa nak ambil nasi, ada akak2 ni tukang jaga nasi. Then one of them them hulurkan tangan. Aik? Isn't she supposed to scoop nasi for me? Oh woops, kena salam dulu! Baru boleh ambil nasi! I know, I am damn jakun-slash-ignorant. Itupun they were giving me a dirty look because I asked for nasi lebih. How can I not ask for nasi lebih when I can already see the glorious food served - my favorite lauk kuning with ikan masin & nenas (I donno the name, I told you I'm ignorant), ayam goreng, some other delicious-looking lauks dan mountains of kacang botol and more ikan masin. Siap ada kerepek pisang on the table. I'm sold. I want to live in Sabak Bernam and eat this everyday!

Ketika pengantin sedang bersanding (bersertakan kompang/zikir dalam bahasa yang tidak dapat difahami), another guest and I were looking for the meja pengantin. Then the bride and groom disappear. They were already on the floor, makan atas lantai! *jakun mode* I was telling R, kalau-lah majlis kahwin kita we have to eat on the floor, there is no way I can manage that in my super tight corset!

Ketika sedang menanti masa sesuai untuk bergambar dengan pengantin, I asked Syafiq (R's nephew dari Jepun) to think of a name for a baby boy (assuming that I am expecting a boy la hoh). Jadi ini suggestion dia:



Mohd. Aiky. Not bad. Kalau dapat girl, we'll name her Aoki, yay!



Anyway, Mike & Hadis, selamat pengantin baru. It was an interesting wedding. :)

Stuff I don’t like right now (because hate is a strong word):
1. Buat board report. Ngggh. Sudah hujung tahun ni, produktiviti kurang.
2. Bila orang langgar your side mirror di car park. Bukannya gheti nak betulkan balik.
3. Mengambil barang yang jatuh ke lantai

I’m sure there’s more but with my short memory span (a blessing in disguise at times) I can only offer 3 for now.

Anyway, my nephew Danial sudah dipindahkan ke another hospital to start his treatment (soon, I suppose). Tisu bone marrow sudah diambil dan next week we’ll get the result. Pertama kali melangkah masuk ke Wad Hematologi rasa seperti melangkah ke universe lain, di mana penghuni-nya hanya berpakaian hijau dan berkepala botak. Bilik Danial was at the end of the corridor dan setiap langkah ke sana terasa begitu berat sekali. Kiri, kanan, semua-nya botak. Ada yang ber-congregate sesama mereka (they look happy), ada yang terlantar (they look sad), ada yang bersama keluarga. Danial was playing Monopoly with a 24 year old guy bersama tunangnya. The guy has leukemia, dan ini kali kedua dia menjadi penghuni wad tersebut. For now, Danial seorang sahaja yang masih berambut dan memakai t-shirt comic yang aku hadiahkan untuknya, a stark contrast from penghuni2 lain di situ. Dia juga sudah pandai mengusik nurse2 dan guard2 wanita di situ, but hey that runs in the family. :)

Yesterday we spent a little bit of time di bilik TV menonton Spa Q (Danial’s room is too cold and miserable). Apabila masuk azan Maghrib, kami minta diri untuk pulang but he asked for us to stay a bit longer. By 7:30, I had to say my goodbye, lagipun this little light bulb dalam perut sudah mula mengaum kelaparan. Danial kelihatan sedikit kecewa, but we promised we’ll come back again over the weekend. Perhaps with a new board game, to ease the boredom a little. I wish I can spend more time with him before he starts chemo because by the time the real misery begins, when he starts losing his hair, when he starts vomiting, crying for help, I’m not sure if can be strong enough for him. It’s just so difficult right now.

In my head, I scream THINK HAPPY! But who am I kidding. For now I’m just grateful that my pregnancy tidak memberikan banyak masalah. I suppose this kid in my belly is giving me all the strength that I need. If I could clone myself. I would. To be a good wife, a devoted aunt, a stellar employee, a caring sister, a happier mother-to-be. Guess I have to work a little harder on that.

(updated: Danial gets to home until the 30th Dec! Alhamdulillah)

Seribu resah di sini. Tapi kita angkat dagu, sapu air mata, pujuk kandungan, teruskan hidup.

Natural blues - Moby

oh lordy, trouble so hard
oh lordy, trouble so hard,
don't nobody know my troubles but God
don't nobody know my troubles but God

Aduh jika drama Rashid Sibir ni asyik go back-and-forth ke flashback sahaja, I think I need something else to watch.

Anyway, ketika dinner di Kelfood tadi, ada makcik tua jual kerepek ni mengeluh kenapa orang sekarang taknak beli kerepek. I wasn't really listening to her, because I get very emotional when I see old people but here are the problems:
1. She wasn't the only selling kerepek there. Before her, there was already 2 ppl selling kerepek, including one brader ska-alim berbahasa Kelantan menjual keropok dan seorang lelaki yang diragui kewarganegaraannya (wow a mouthful!) meminta sedekah - for what, I don't know, but standard lah, pegang file yang berisi surat yang diakui kerajaan.
2. I have more than 4 jenis kerepek at home! I get my supply of kerepek(s) di pasar tani berhampiran pejabat, tak tahulah dibuat di mana, tetapi sangat sedap.

Hmm itu sahaja lah. Melihat makcik tu sudah cukup membuat aku rasa sedikit depressed. Ditambah dengan perbualan bersama ibu sendiri yang menambahkan gundah-gulana. Tambah dengan drama brader Sibir ni pula (alahai drama antara dua darjat is SO yesterday). Masuk tidur awal lagi bagus.

Oh by the way, wahai contractor2 JKR yang rajin sangat nak tar jalan awal2 malam tu (pukul 10 malam) I am sure that you are aware of the massive jam you guys are causing. Tak boleh ke tar jalan lambat sedikit, some of us pukul 10 malam baru nak balik rumah dari office okay!

I am watching Perempuan, Wanita and Dot Dot Dot untuk kali ke berapa sudah. I have to go to work later in the afternoon and hopefully I can get some work done. Begitu banyak sekali kerja yang perlu disiapkan. Sebab apa? Sebab it's so hard to hire people with good writing skills. So if you think you know finance and investment, know how to work the Bloomberg terminal and loves to write and doesn't mind melayan kerenah Americans, I want you! (to suffer with me)

Tengah check out baju kebaya tadi then MIL said "Tak payah tengok, tunggu sampai bersalin".
*sulks into a corner, then emerges minutes later*


Tok Guru on Off The Edge! My hero. And Mr. Barack H.

Minggu ini minggu membaca. But they're not helping to drown things/sounds/fear.

Tengah lipat baju ni. Another round of laundry sedang di air-dry. On TV is some show about Ustaz Azizi mengubat orang yang kena rasuk or something. Tengah contemplate melipat kain cadar yang besar itu which is why I am updating now, tengah tunggu feel untuk melakukan/membuat such a big task. I normally make fun of RashidSibir's drama tapi semalam, aergh, mana aci pikat penonton dengan scene M. Rajoli baca al-Quran. Haih, apa lagi, Kleenex time-lah. Would be nice if I get to see arwah Baba menghabiskan masa tua-nya membaca al-Quran. But the past is past.

Today I'm gonna go out shopping after I watch Melodi. Sudah berhari-hari office pantry menjadi gelanggang hangat mengutuk Norman Hakim keh keh. Poor guy. Siap sembahyang istikharah panggil press tu! This beats drama RashidSibir anytime.

Morning thoughts:

I figured kalau JAKIM/Majlis Fatwa/somesuperpowerwithnobrains mahu mengharamkam yoga, they might as well look into Muslims yang belajar Indian classical dance. Ever wondered if they've been praying 5 times a day? Hmm? Yoga helped me to get through some of my darkest days while trying to nurse a broken heart and it made a huge difference for me yang memang malas exercise. So yeah, that's my testimonial. Look around you, while we turn a blind eye on teenage couples meraba sana sini in public, we're wasting our time and effort trying to haram-kan something that is good for the body, soul and mind. So no brownie points for you Mr. Mufti!

Another thing that will not be getting any brownie points from me is EPF. Excuse me, i like my 11% caruman. So, those losers yang nak kurangkan their caruman to 8%, they're the ones who should isi borang la! Why us? We all know that by the time we retire, our EPF savings can only last for 3 years so fikir-fikirkan lah ye. 3% cannot buy you anything. Keep it. You'll be thanking me when you're old.

Sekian terima kasih. I'm gonna eat my 2nd roti canai now.

Hello.

Walaupun mengamalkan ajaran The Secret (Ask. Believe. Receive. Gratitude. Visualization) but ini sebenarnya kuasa Allah yang Maha Esa semata-mata dan maha mendengar doa (dan rintihan hamba-Nya).

I am 12 weeks pregnant. (addendum: woops, my bad, i'm 13 weeks preggers, man, I can't count)

In other words, aku sudah berjaya melepasi zon trimester (tanpa muntah2, Alhamdulillah) dan bolehlah untuk bercerita pada semua orang – yes, i’m pregnant! Yeahoo! (cuma R yang tak sabar memberitahu dunia-nya terlebih awal dengan memberitahu universe Twitter-nya – tapi berjaya di-delete dengan bantuan Cik Li before anyone sees it dan blog-nya sudah ada unsur-unsur ke-bapa-an). Too soon perhaps? We’ve been married for 4 months, inai masih di jari, masih lagi mencari kesesuaian/keserasian hidup bersama but rezeki adalah rezeki. Mungkin buat masa sekarang aku terpaksa letak di tepi dahulu borang permohonan biasiswa Chevening atau resume yang perlu dihantar ke World Bank (yes, there is an opening based in DC) atau Wii Fit yang sudah lama menjadi idaman itu but for now i need to concentrate on this miracle that is growing in my belly.

Everyday I am engulfed by fear – what if our baby grows up to be someone yang rude dan tidak mendengar kata, what if dia tidak pandai mempertahankan dirinya apabila dibuli rakan sekolah/majikan, what if dia tidak sihat, what if dia tak minat music & poetry & bad drama Melayu yang telah menyatukan ibu bapanya? Terlalu banyak ‘what ifs’ dibandingkan dengan ‘Alhamdulillah jika...”. Berat rasanya beban untuk sentiasa berfikiran positif but insyaAllah I will do my best.

To my friends who have not seen me since forever, aku minta maaf. Tiap kali aku tengok cermin rasa macam mahu di-spray paint sahaja cermin itu. Aku “serabai segala” these days! I know we will meet soon, when i feel good enough about myself. And don’t get me started on how stubborn and annoying i’ve been these days. ;)

So yeah, business as usual at this ranting space. This will not be a “my journey throughout pregnancy” blog i promise (sorry Li!).

Ada ulang tayang Lima on Astro Ria jika mahu nonton.

(oh Abang Laywer Handsome!)

Not sure I'm loving the new Dewa 19 track.

Rasanya mood Raya sudah tiada, it’s back to the usual grind at the office. Lagipun membaca Wall Street Journal dan The Edge Singapore semakin menggigit jari mengalahkan bacaan fiksyen. Aku sudah tak larat nak keep up with the market news (because I keep having to change the information in my write-ups or press releases), but nak tak nak terpaksa baca juga sambil gigit knuckles pula, memikirkan kemungkinan besar bonus tahun depan akan susut jika keadaan ekonomi terus terkapai-kapai kelemasan sebegini. Please do not mention "free-falling" in front of me! Oh well, I suppose rezeki ada di mana-mana, and it doesn’t have to come in the form of money.

Few things to share during the recent balik kampung trip :

1. Pilot MAS cakap dialek Kelantan on board. A nice change.
2. Opposite Istana Batu, there is a cultural village of some sort and also a restaurant that sells nasi ulam. Discovered lauk ikan patin asam pedas meets masak lemak, but with a Kelantan twist, because it was slightly sweet. Tapi sedap!
3. Ketika aku sedang menyidai baju di bawah rumah nenek, my youngest niece si Ayn was running around scaring everyone with a ‘tali’ and she was going “Eeeee, ular, ular”. Of course la I completely brushed her off. Then my other niece took a closer look and alamak, she’s playing with kulit ular! Apa lagi, lintang-pukang lah Cik Nate lari naik atas rumah hehe.
4. My youngest brother is so hopelessly in love. Checking his jiwang SMS-es made me wanna to vomit (sorry I have to play the over-protective sister here, awek gila dia tu asyik suruh dia jadi supir je). Bonus points if i get to understand the bahasa SMS though. Yuck.
5. Akibat kebosanan, my eldest nephew sudah buat music video shuffle-nya dengan bantuan Husband sebagai jurukamera. Will upload it on youtube jikalau connection is good. Which I doubt I’ll do it.
6. Fairul Nizam telah menjadi pelanggan feveret akak yang jual nasi dagang. Read here: Perihal Nasi Dagang..

Okay lah. Back to doing laundry. Nerissa jemput makan tengahari di rumahnya today. Dia beri jaminan sambal belacan uncle-nya pasti meletup. I hope she's right. :)

only in Kota Bharu

this is a happy public toilet
Originally uploaded by natinski

Tahun ini rasanya Raya paling best. :)

Semalam we went to Wisma PKNS at ShahAlam to buy baju kurung Raya. I think it’s my first real baju Raya since my father died.

We will be in Selangor on the first day of Raya and off to good ol’ Kelate until next Monday. I’ll only be on Twitter for now.

Selamat Hari Raya, and Maaf Zahir & Batin peeps!

Semalam berakhir sudah rancangan kegemaran aku. Selepas ini tiada lagi Lima dan eye candy, Abang Lawyer Handsome yang membantu NamRon untuk menjejaki semula keluarganya. Bila ada commercial break, sempat menonton Bersamamu. Kenapa dalam dunia ini masih ada warga2 tua yang hidup susah?!? You know, I cry everytime I watch Bersamamu, I know I’m super weak to watch it but noooooo, nak jugak tengok. Padan muka aku. I’m just a sap at heart. Even watching Pink’s latest video makes me want to cry because I think Pink and Corey Hart should stay together forever and ever.

Few more days to go before Raya! But masih di dalam mode ‘kerja-banyak-rasa-macam-nak-resign-24-hours’. Duit Raya sudah ditukar, biskut Raya sudah dibeli, hotel sudah di-book, jadi tinggal apa lagi? Oh, nak pack baju. Tak suka!

Gourd, how tragic is Lima kan? (The mini series on Astro Ria - Monday to Rabu - 9pm). It's really good though. Memang agak tension sikit apabila menontonnya but man, I'm hooked!

I can't be everybody’s moral police. Especially when I’m passing by the emerging stairs (it’s the fastest way to get to the loo) and I can smell food and ciggies, and men talking in low voices. Hai, bang, takkan tak puasa kot? There’s 20+ floors here, it could be anyone. It could be a team of lawyers, analysts or bankers, but I can only confirm that they are sekumpulan Muslim yang tak malu dan semoga dapat pembalasan yang sewajarnya di akhirat kelak. Benci.

Anyway, if you ever go to pasaramadhan at TTDI, if there’s a super friendly guy selling samosa (seringgit satu) – beli! The samosa is very nice.

I always thought J merupakan seorang yang paling bertuah kerana mempunyai seorang datuk yang dihormati ramai, di mana sumbangannya terhadap bidang penulisan dan journalism tiada tandingan. I suppose J inherited most of his traits - her love for books and kebijaksanaanya ketika kami menuntut sastera Inggeris satu ketika dulu mmg membuatkan aku cemburu. It was so easy for her, sedangkan aku terpaksa bertungkus-lumus untuk lulus. Pasti seronok menjadi cucu kepada seorang ilmuwan yang begitu banyak berjasa kepada negara. I don't think I'll ever forget his wide frame glasses (aku sebenarnya takut padanya - rasa kerdil diri ini - siapalah aku!).

Rest in peace, Pak Samad. You're in a better place now.

Al-Fatihah.